Passing time with Bram Stoker

I had the day off from my dish washing job at Phlegp’s diner, so I got in my time-travel machine and rode to March 1897, London, and the Pipe and the Monkey book shoppe. I often travel backwards and forewords in time to March days. I was born in March, and I’m self-obsessed, so it’s only natural.

I went into the book shoppe to see the author Bram Stoker give an author talk about his just released book, Dracula. There was only one other person in the audience and she was asleep. She was snoring loudly. I love coming across a public snorer. It reminds me that even though we do our best to appear strong, we are essentially powerless to nature’s bidings.

Stoker was standing at the lectern, staring at the snorer and puffing sighs. I puff sighs when someone irritates me. I have a belief it will change that person’s behavior. How is it that you don’t have to take a test and get a license in order to be a human?

I apologized for being late and took a seat near the front. I asked Mr. Stoker to tell me about his inspiration for writing the book. He went into great detail and length, but I don’t remember what he said. I’m simple minded and am mostly interested in traveling in time, telling people about it, and hearing them say, “Wow, you travel in time.”

When Mr. Stoker was done, there was a book signing. I paid two shillings for the book and told him to make it out to Remke the Snerd. While he signed, I said I felt the book would do well. He began to cry and his tears smeared what he wrote. Below is an image. I like Dracula, but this had more impact on me.