Brooks’ Recent Posts

 

  • My bright friend

    I like to tunnel to the center of the Earth. I use my hands. I don’t care for shovels. Shovels give me blisters.

    My hands are great scoopers. And they’re fast. They move at the same rate as hummingbird wings.

    All total, it usually takes me an hour and fifteen minutes to an hour thirty. That includes a five minute rester.

    I’m fond of these trips because the center of the Earth is a good friend of mine. We talk for hours on end.

    The other night we talked forever about radishes. Neither of us likes them, but we can’t help purchasing them when we go to the grocery store. We can’t get enough of their pinkish glow.

  • The sky’s the limit

    I asked the sky, “How did you get your job?”

    The sky said, “I sent in my resume and went through a few interviews. I shared about past jobs like when I was the space inside a Del Monte string bean can, and then the space in a 1987 Ford Aerostar minivan, I even included when I was the ample empty space inside your skull.”

    I said, “No wonder you seem familiar.”

  • From the mice to the bears!

    I just finished the 21st draft of the yours truly Brooks story memoir.

    πŸ‘ I’ve printed up four copies and I’m going to distribute them to well thought out appropriate places.

    🐁 The first I’ll drop off where the field meets the forest. This will allow the creatures from both worlds to read my book. Or as I like to say, from the mice to the bears. 🐻

    🎲 The second one I’ll set down on a folding table at the Soak-n-Suds laundromat in Ottumwa, Iowa. I have a lot of fans in this charming city that also like doing laundry.

    πŸ”„ The third one I’ll drop in my recycling bin because I really like to recycle.

    πŸ—½ The fourth one I’ll leave on a bench on 59th Street in Manhattan. It’s a bench right next to Central Park that a lot of publishers sit at for lunch. I’ve heard this is how J.D. Salinger got A Catcher in the Rye published.

  • Quiet Quitting

    I remember “quiet quitting” when I was a serf in Minsk in 1749.

    I’d just finished digging a mile-long sewage trench, when my feudal lord told me I had to cut down two wheat fields by noon.

    I sighed and mumbled, “Oh boy, I can’t wait to get to that, your majesty,” as I dragged my scythe on the ground, purposefully dulling the blade.

  • It’s no big deal, but I walk through walls

    A bunch of years ago, I spent some time in the Himalayas, and learned how to walk through walls.

    I went to a particular guru who specialized in this rare skill.

    Not because I wanted people to think I’m amazing. I just happen to have a fear of doors. Particularly the knobs.

    Previously I’d gone to a therapist to try and overcome the problem. But she said she’d never heard of anything that strange.

  • Word party!

    πŸ₯³ I got together with all the words that have ever been in anything I’ve written.

    I do it once a year. I put together a party and serve all the things that words like to eat. Avocados, Dulce, cinnamon coated meat, and raw marshmallows.

    Most of it was us sitting around and not talking. Talking would have meant words would have to do their thing. I wanted them to have a break and let them know I cared.

    The word that had the hardest time staying silent was “just.” “Just” is commonly uttered and it’s hard to stay still when you have so much momentum in you.

  • Breakfast with Joe

    I had breakfast at the White House with President Joe Biden.

    I had eggs Benedict. He had a big stack of pancakes which he soaked with syrup, topped with a hunk of butter.

    I said, “How can you go to work after eating something like that? I’d have to go right back to bed.”

    He said, “I don’t have the same reaction as you regarding pancakes, but I would if I ate what you’re eating.”

    I said, “Hey, do you wanna skip work and go see a movie with me?”

    He said, “What movie?”

    I said, “Mojave. It’s six hours long of one continuous shot of the desert. I’ve seen it twice. I like to watch the sunlight shift over the sands.”

  • Anti-gravity

    My gravity wore off and I lifted to the ceiling.

    I lay on the ceiling and took a nap.

    Napping on the ceiling is more relaxing than on a bed.

    First off, when napping on a bed, you can never truly loll because you’re locatable by another person who can wake you up. Second, you can roll off the bed and land on the floor.

    But ceiling napping is the upmost in leisure because no one is gonna think to look up to find you.

  • Watching the sunset (with God)

    I was watching the sunset with God.

    I said, β€œI don’t understand why there is suffering, God. Why is there injustice, disease, and poverty?”

    God said, β€œI wish you were around when I created everything. You could have made a real difference.”

  • Fred makes a Freddy!

    My friend Fred makes art. He calls them Freddys!

    If you would like to own your own Freddy, check this out https://thefredshow.club/freddys-art-by-fred/

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