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Last night’s strange occurrence

Last night’s strange occurrence

I woke to the sounds of honking. I was standing in the middle of the freeway. A truck was heading directly for me. I panicked and couldn’t move. The truck swerved, missing me by a few feet.

There was a braking sound from a car heading rapidly in my direction. The driver had slammed on the brakes, and the car swerved back and forth in an attempt to not lose control. I was stuck in panic again and couldn’t move away. The car skidded to a halt, close enough that I could feel the bumper lightly touch my knee through my pajamas.

The driver and I were eye-locked. The driver stuck his head out the window and began yelling at me. I snapped out of it and ran to the median strip. I sat down on the grass and hugged my knees. The driver drove off, tires squealing.

My heart was pounding. My pajamas were soaked in sweat. The cold wind whipped against my back and I began to shiver. I got chilled and stood up and ran in place and hugged myself.

A police car pulled up onto the median strip. A light shone from the car. I couldn’t see anything but its brightness. I didn’t mind though because it warmed me.

I heard a car door open and someone walk towards me. A voice said, “Brooks, is that you?” I said it was. The light shut off. It was my friend, Renaldo. He’s a Kodiak Bear who also happens to be a policeman. We hugged. Renaldo got out a blanket from the trunk of the car and put it around me.

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The visitor

The visitor

A bird tapped on the window with its beak. I looked up from my writing. I said, “Yes, what is it you want?” The bird said something but I couldn’t hear because the window was closed.

I got up from my desk and opened the window. I said, “I’m very busy. What is it?” The bird said, “I was wondering if you’d like to come out and play.” I said, “I’m busy.” The bird said, “I know you were, but now you’re talking to me.” I said, “That’s because you interrupted me.”

The bird said, “Yes, that happened, and now this is happening.” I sighed. I looked back at my desk. I looked at the bird. I sighed a second time. I looked back at my desk.

I went to my desk, lit a match, and set my desk and papers on fire. The fire spread to the rest of the room. I climbed out the window.

I held out my finger. The bird climbed on. I set the bird on my shoulder.

I ran and sang while the bird whistled.

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Let it Ride!

Let it Ride!

I got in my time-machine and pressed, the Let It Ride button. That’s for time-traveling without stopping. When you want to surf time and space.

Suddenly, the garage where I park my Casio Deluxe Timer-189 disappeared. Time ripples zipped past me like lightening. I got really dizzy because it was like being inside a strobe light. I thought I was going to throw up. But I didn’t.

I acclimated to the intensity of the time ripples and it was very much like I would imagine it would be if were flying above the ocean with my face two inches from the water. I stuck my tongue out and it made the ripples split off into multiple rivulets. They made a high pitch whirring sound like dandelion seeds riding on the wind.

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Walk of mystery

Walk of mystery

I got in my time-machine but I didn’t type in a time-space destination. It was weird, but felt like I wanted to stay here. It was odd because I usually can’t get enough of time-traveling. I don’t own a TV, so this is my form of entertainment.

I got up and looked around. I wasn’t sure what to do. The present time doesn’t fascinate me. I’m used to it. There’s my house. My car. The couch. My kitchen table.

So I went walking. I walked to the end of my block. I wasn’t sure to go right, left, or straight ahead.

Instead, I closed my eyes and proceeded. When you’re eyes are closed you’re clueless. I’d relinquished control and it was exciting.

A car honked. Someone suggested I watch where I was going. I nodded. I don’t know if they saw me nod.

A dog ran up barking at me. It bit into my pants leg and wouldn’t let go. I kept walking, dragging along the dog with me. Eventually I pet its head and it let go.

I tripped over something and fell hard. I didn’t look and see what took me down. I preferred the mystery. I got up and continued.

I walked nose first into something hard. I stood back and held my nose. It hurt, but I think it made it hurt a little less. I thought I might have walked into the side of a building.

I walked in a different direction. Someone grabbed my arm. She said she was the police. She wanted to know why I was walking around with my eyes closed. I asked if it was illegal. She said it wasn’t but was concerned for my well being because blood was coming from my nose. I wiped my nose with hand, thanked her, and said I would be okay. She let me go.

After a while of quiet walking, I felt the wind of things moving quickly by. It was accompanied by the sound of engines roaring past. I figured I was walking along the side of the freeway. But maybe it was the auto-raceway. I smiled and waved and hooted. I like to be supportive.

A while later I stepped into water and fell. I went under. I figured I was in the lake. I relaxed. The water soothed my nose and my tired muscles. I felt the scales of fish swimming against my face and arms.

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What happened after I fell off the mountain

What happened after I fell off the mountain

I was hiking the mountain when I slipped and fell. I was scared because I imagined when I landed it would hurt. That feeling was replaced by adoring the sensation of falling. Since the body doesn’t have to support itself when falling, it relaxes. I couldn’t remember when I’d felt that at ease.

Not soon after that I landed in something springy, which turned out to be a massive spider web. I looked over and saw a spider as big as two trucks crawling towards me. I was scared because spiders are terrifying. But I realized I felt that way because of monster movies I’d seen with frightening looking spiders, particularly Arachnophobia. I relaxed and was fascinated by the way its eight legs moved with such coordinated synchrony.

The spider came over and wrapped me in a web cocoon. I figured he was saving me to eat later. The cocoon was soft and relaxing. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up I felt I’d never slept so deep.

I was next to a giraffe also wrapped in a cocoon. The giraffe and I got to talking. We talked about our favorite movies. Mine was the Godfather. The giraffe’s was The Apple Dumpling Gang. I said I’d tried to watch it once, but lost interest and stopped. The giraffe said I ought to give it a second chance. I said I might.

It was around then when the spider came towards me. There was saliva dripping off its foot long fangs. I thought it must be hungry because sometimes that happens to me. Recently I was making a cheese sandwich and while I was spreading the mayo, saliva leaked out of my mouth and onto my shirt.

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All about what I had for dinner

All about what I had for dinner

I rode in my time-machine to March 4, 1809, Washington DC, the White House, front lawn, 4 in the afternoon. Through the window I saw President James Madison standing and looking out at me. He had the puzzled and dazed look which always happens when someone sees me appear out of nowhere. It’s the brain saying, “That’s not possible.” I waved. He looked okay again and waved back. Everybody feels okay when you wave.

President Madison came out to greet me. We shook hands and offered up our names. He wanted to know about my sudden appearance and my traveling machine. I said, “I’m a time-traveler and I came to see you.” It’s what I usually say. If I just said the first part of that sentence, back would come the befuddled gaze. But letting the person know I came to see them makes them feel really good about themselves, and the time-travel becomes a triviality.

I said, “Congratulations on becoming President!” He’d been inaugurated at noon that day. He thanked me. I said, “The history books say that you are the greatest of all leaders that have ever, ever lived.” He gushed a river of tears, held my hands, thanked me, and invited me to a stately dinner of roast goose, earth nut peas, and taro corms. I didn’t know what the historians actually said. But I was hungry and flattery is foolproof for getting well fed.