God and I were fishing at the fishing hole.
God caught a fish every five minutes.
God said, “I noticed that you haven’t caught anything.”
I said, “It’s not fair because you’re the almighty and I’m just a dumb person.”
God said, “Would you be happy if I made you God?”
I said, “Yes! Yes! Yes!!”
God snapped fingers and said, “Okay.”
A half-hour later, I still hadn’t caught a fish.
I was walking along the edge of the Earth and I wasn’t looking where I was going and I fell off.
I fell for a long while. Though it wasn’t like taking a nose dive off a cliff. I was plunging in space so it was slow and thick like I was an ant that fell into a jar of molasses.
After a couple of days I couldn’t see the Earth anymore. Luckily, I had a lot of snacks stuffed into my jacket and pants pockets. I’m big into eating and sometimes there are no food stores around.
I was a stork birth.
As a baby, a stork dropped me from the sky and into a chimney. There was a fire going, but I was okay because I was wearing asbestos diapers. Storks knew the possibilities and planned ahead.
My parents were sitting by the fire at the time. They were surprised. But also good reactors and pulled me from the fireplace.
They named me Brooks because they were both fans of water but felt Ocean would have given me a big head.
I was a cute baby and the next day they got me an agent, and the day after that I was cast in a Pampers commercial. It was very popular and seen by President Nixon who declared me the Nation’s Baby Laureate.
I had it with gravity today and lifted off the ground and joined a flock of butterflies.
I turned out I didn’t care for their erratic nature of flying.
I tried to keep up with them as they jerkily flit in and around flowers trying to get pollen, and I ended up hurting my back.
I wish I’d joined the seagulls instead. They were languidly wind sailing way up in the sky. But I was too lazy to put in the effort to reach them.
I was born without a shadow.
My parents were distraught. They spent a great deal of money on lighting to help bring about my shadow, but to no avail.
When I got older, I was approached by people who wanted to sell me a shadow, but the cost was prohibitive.
