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The Secret World of Brooks

The Secret World of Brooks

I often daydreamed when I was a kid in school. The teacher would be going on and on about the subject they were paid to teach and I would be imagining the Secret World of Brooks. It was a dazzling world.

In this hidden to others land, the Sun would come down from the sky and we would hang out. The Sun and I couldn’t get enough of each other’s company. The Sun would say, “You’re the Brookiest!,” and I would say, “Sun, you’re the best burning ball in the sky!”

The Sun and I would hold hands and the skin on my hand never got burnt.

Sometimes I would run on the Sun while it rolled under my feet. It was like a burning treadmill.

I also had secret discussions with my desk. The desk was all one piece desk and chair. I remember once saying to to my desk, “Hey, Desk?” The desk said, “Yeah, Brooks?” I said, “Do you mind me sitting on you?” My desk said, “Brooks, I can’t hold you up any longer!” I felt badly and stood up. My teacher said, “Brooks, please sit down.” I looked back at the chair and then back at the teacher. The teacher said, “Brooks, if I have to tell you again, you’ll get detention.” My chair said, “Brooks, I was just joking, sit back down.” I sat back down. I said to my desk, “You got me that time, Desk.”

Even though I daydreamed through the majority of my classes, I got good grades. When we were given a test, I asked my pencil, “Would you answer these questions for me?” My pencil’s name was Stan and it was really smart. Stan the Pencil said, “Sure, Brooks.” The pencil began writing away while I hung out in the Fred Zone. I still have Stan the Pencil. Stan no longer answers tests for me. Mostly we watch movies together.

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Taking my brain for a walk

Taking my brain for a walk

My brain popped out of my head through my ear and landed on the floor. I said, “What are you doing down there?” My brain said, “I need some fresh air.” I said, “Okay, how about I take you outside for a walk?” My brain said, “I would like that!”

I picked up my brain, held it under my arm, and went outside. My brain said, “Wow, it’s beautiful out here.” I said, “I’m glad you like it.” My brain, “It’s so nice to feel the breeze. I’ve never felt breeze before. And the sun’s rays are so nicely warm!”

The neighbor’s dog Wickle came up and said, “What’s that you got under your arm there, Brooks?” I said, “It’s my brain.” Wickle the dog said, “Can I eat it?” I said, “No, I’m gonna need it later.” Wickle said, “Can I at least smell it?” I said, “Sure.” I lowered my brain to Wickle who sniffed and started to lick my brain. My brain laughed and said, “Oh, it tickles!”

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My made-to-order fruit tree

My made-to-order fruit tree

I have a fruit tree in my backyard that makes fruit to order. I go out to the tree. The tree says, “Yes, Brooks?” I request a particular piece of fruit. The tree says, “Okay, it will be a few minutes.” I take a seat in a chair next to the tree. There’s a small table next to the tree with a few magazines and a tip jar.

After a moment the tree produces the requested fruit, or something very near it. Once I asked for a Stayman apple and I got a Fuji instead.

I remove the fruit from the branch and eat the fruit. Sometimes it’s a grape. Sometimes a watermelon. Today I had a papaya.

The rest of the time the tree has no fruit on any of its branches. I asked once why it won’t make unordered fruit. The tree said, “It’s a lot of work to make fruit. If you don’t want any, I’m not gonna waste my time.”

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My jaunt to the North Pole

My jaunt to the North Pole

I took a trip up to the North Pole today. I’d never been there before. I like to go to where I’ve never been. When I get to the new place I take a moment to notice the change from having not been there to being there. It’s subtle but worth it.

So anyway, I drove north till I got to the top of Canada. Then I flicked the switch in my car which folded the wheels in and turned my car into a boat. I traveled north on the Arctic Sea. A flock of seals challenged me to a race. It was close, but they won.

Once I got to the ice land I flicked another switch which brought back my tires, three times their normal size with spikes. I continued north. I picked up a hitchhiking polar bear. I asked him where he was going. He said, “Nowhere in particular. I’ve never ridden in a car and I’d like to see what it’s like.”

I arrived at the pole. The polar bear got out with me. We looked at the pole. I told the polar bear what I told you earlier about the transition from not having been somewhere to actually being there. He took my hand with his paw and said, “You’re right, Brooks, it is exquisite.”

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Having lunch with the rhinoceros

Having lunch with the rhinoceros

Earlier today I saw out the back window a rhinoceros eating my cherry tree. I  went outside and said, “I’m sorry to interrupt you.” The rhinoceros stopped eating and said, “Yes, what?” I said, “I’m Brooks, what’s your name?” The rhinoceros said, “Beldon.” I said, “Beldon, can I make you a sandwich?” Beldon said, “What kind of sandwich?” I said, “Either bologna or cheese. Or both together.” Beldon said, “I would like both.” I said, “Okay, come on in.”  Beldon and I went into my house.

Beldon sat at the kitchen table while I made the sandwich. Beldon said, “You have a nice kitchen.” I said, “Thanks.” Beldon said, “How long have you lived here?” I said, “Three-and-a-half years.”

Beldon said, “Where did you live before that?” I said, “I spent a little over a year traveling in my space ship. Usually I would camp out mid-space. I visited Mercury for the first time. I’d been wanting to go for a while. It was nice. Like spending time on a giant bowling ball. There were no trees because the close proximity of the Sun burns everything.”

Beldon said, “How come your space ship didn’t burn?” I said, “Teflon coating.”

I brought the bologna and cheese sandwich on a plate to Beldon. I sat across from him and watched him eat the sandwich. Beldon stopped and looked up and said, “Why are you staring at me?” I said, “I just realized I’m hungry too.” Beldon said, “Would you like some of mine?” I said, “Thanks, that would be nice.”