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A story from Bertrid the Cactus

bertrid the cactus

Hi, I’m Bertrid the Cactus.

I asked Brooks for this opportunity to write today’s post because I love to make up stories.

Here’s the story I’ve been thinking about all morning:

A horse speaks English. At first the humans are stunned. But then they start making Mister Ed jokes to the horse. The humans keep doing the warbly sounding word, “Wilbur!” to the horse’s face.

The horse has never seen the television show, Mr. Ed, and doesn’t understand the reference. Also the horse is upset that he isn’t taken seriously.

A barn mouse shows up in the horse’s stall and says to the horse, “They are making jokes at you because they are scared that you speak English.”

The horse says, “You mean they are intimidated by me?” The barn mouse nodded.

The horse suddenly felt better.

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Guests from outer space

I was fast asleep in dreamland when I was abruptly woken up by the bright lights from the aliens’ spaceship.

I was upset and ran outside and started yelling at the aliens as they got out of their spaceship.

The aliens apologized. It was sincere, so I was okay.

I asked them where they were from. They said from the planet Alattadib. I said I’d never heard of it. They got out a map and showed me where they came from.

We talked about random things for a while. Pretty soon I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. They said they were tired too.

I offered them the guest bed in my house. They accepted. We all went to sleep.

When I woke up, I went downstairs and found the Altattadib’s sitting on the couch in my living room.

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Greetings from Midge the Flower

Midge

Hi. I’m Midge, the flower.

I’m out and about, soaking up the Sun, and digesting its rays.

I never get full of sunlight. You’d think I’d eat it for an hour, get full, and take a nap. But no, I gorge all the live long day.

Lately, I’ve been worrying about what will happen when the Sun dies and the world is full of darkness. What will I do? Can I get nutrition from fire, or a flashlight beam? Will I have to start eating food like cookies, or a brisket?

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I came from the planet, Nurtz

It’s been three years since I arrived here on Earth. I came from the plant Nurtz.

Nurtz is pretty far away. It’s further than you can imagine, or would want to.

I don’t miss life on Nurtz. It was a chilly planet that was constantly overcast with mucous colored skies.

I came to Earth because I’d heard about the blue skies, and readily available soda. In the past three years, I’ve never tired of either.

 

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Help from the bed

I was lying in bed, having a difficult time trying to fall asleep. So I decided to talk with my bed.

I said, “Bed, are you awake?”

My bed said, “I was.”

I said, “I’m sorry, it’s just that I can’t sleep, and thought you could sing me a lullaby.”

The bed sweetly sang, “There’s a kitty cat name Flipper, Flipper had purple hair, Flipper whistled like a mockingbird, perhaps Flipper wasn’t a cat.”

I was asleep in seconds.