Brooks’ Recent Posts


  • What happened after I fell off the mountain

    I was hiking the mountain when I slipped and fell. I was scared because I imagined when I landed it would hurt. That feeling was replaced by adoring the sensation of falling. Since the body doesn’t have to support itself when falling, it relaxes. I couldn’t remember when I’d felt that at ease.

    Not soon after that I landed in something springy, which turned out to be a massive spider web. I looked over and saw a spider as big as two trucks crawling towards me. I was scared because spiders are terrifying. But I realized I felt that way because of monster movies I’d seen with frightening looking spiders, particularly Arachnophobia. I relaxed and was fascinated by the way its eight legs moved with such coordinated synchrony.

    The spider came over and wrapped me in a web cocoon. I figured he was saving me to eat later. The cocoon was soft and relaxing. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up I felt I’d never slept so deep.

    I was next to a giraffe also wrapped in a cocoon. The giraffe and I got to talking. We talked about our favorite movies. Mine was the Godfather. The giraffe’s was The Apple Dumpling Gang. I said I’d tried to watch it once, but lost interest and stopped. The giraffe said I ought to give it a second chance. I said I might.

    It was around then when the spider came towards me. There was saliva dripping off its foot long fangs. I thought it must be hungry because sometimes that happens to me. Recently I was making a cheese sandwich and while I was spreading the mayo, saliva leaked out of my mouth and onto my shirt.

  • All about what I had for dinner

    I rode in my time-machine to March 4, 1809, Washington DC, the White House, front lawn, 4 in the afternoon. Through the window I saw President James Madison standing and looking out at me. He had the puzzled and dazed look which always happens when someone sees me appear out of nowhere. It’s the brain saying, “That’s not possible.” I waved. He looked okay again and waved back. Everybody feels okay when you wave.

    President Madison came out to greet me. We shook hands and offered up our names. He wanted to know about my sudden appearance and my traveling machine. I said, “I’m a time-traveler and I came to see you.” It’s what I usually say. If I just said the first part of that sentence, back would come the befuddled gaze. But letting the person know I came to see them makes them feel really good about themselves, and the time-travel becomes a triviality.

    I said, “Congratulations on becoming President!” He’d been inaugurated at noon that day. He thanked me. I said, “The history books say that you are the greatest of all leaders that have ever, ever lived.” He gushed a river of tears, held my hands, thanked me, and invited me to a stately dinner of roast goose, earth nut peas, and taro corms. I didn’t know what the historians actually said. But I was hungry and flattery is foolproof for getting well fed.

  • Flower-headed critter grants me my wish

    I got in my time-machine and went back in time about 200 million years ago. My Casio Deluxe Timer 2100 is precise in time up to 1,375,000 years in the past and 112,000 years in the future. Anything beyond that is shaky. It’s a we’ll see where we end up dice-shaker.

    The Timex Triple-Timer 180000 is spot on to a nano second to anytime in the past or future. But it costs a lottery amount of money I don’t have yet. I have high time hopes!

    Anyway, I got out of my time-machine about 200 million years in the past. No buildings. Hazy skies. A great deal of burbling swamps. Vast wing-spanned creatures circling the skies. A lot of ants going places. Ants back then look like ants now. Ants are common in the future too. They’ve got those wowzer genes built for the long haul.

    I came upon a Triceratops nibbling on a beat up bush. Back then anything tree-like looked like it had been in a fight.

    I love Triceratops. They’re it for me dinosaur wise. They have a built in crown that looks like the creature is part flower.

    I turned on my Casio WATS? 12 (What are they saying?) It turns what you say into what the listener understands, and the same thing for the things they utter.

    I said hi to the Triceratops. It told me its name was Camperbittyboo. It asked me where I was from. I said a distant land. Animals and reptiles don’t understand time. Actually you want to avoid trying because it frustrates critters and they try and eat you so you stop talking.

    Critters are intuitive and Camperbittyboo asked if I would like to ride on its back. That’s all I’d been thinking about. But I’m not good at expressing my needs. I figure everything knows what I want. I’m patient and can wait a long while. I’m still waiting for God to give me the ability to walk on water. I figure that’s all I need to hit the big time.

  • Odd Occurrence in the Desert

    My car busted down driving through Arizona. I tried calling roadside assistance but I couldn’t get a signal. I lifted the hood and looked at the engine. I said, “Car, what’s wrong?” The car was silent.

    I looked out at the desert. I looked back at my car and it was gone. I looked all round and nothing. The temperature dropped, the wind picked up, and it started to rain. I began to shake.

    I saw a big cactus in the distance. I ran towards it seeking shelter. The running warmed me.

    I got to the cactus and leaned against its trunk, avoiding the needles. The wind and rain were blocked. But my clothes were soaked and I began to shiver. I soon began shaking so much that I accidentally bumped into the needles.

    I looked back at at the freeway and saw my car. It was parked in the same spot before its disappearance. Smoke was coming from the exhaust pipe. I ran back to my car.

    The car was running. I opened the door and got in. The heat was turned on. I warmed up and my shivers stopped.

    I said, “Car, where did you go?” My car said, “I didn’t go anywhere.” I said, “You stopped and then disappeared.” My car said, “I was tired. I took a nap. Are you okay? It looks like you have some blood on your shirt.”

    I lifted my shirt and saw that the cactus needle wounds were red and a little swollen. Plus they itched. I put a little spit on my finger tips and applied them to my hurts. The itching went away.

  • Engulfed!

    I woke up to flashing and flickering lights. I looked out the window and saw the tree was on fire. I ran outside, turned on the hose, and sprayed the tree with water. The fire didn’t dim. I kept watering.

    The flames were intense. But I noticed the tree wasn’t being hurt. It was like the tree was emanating a massive scrambling halo.

    I shut off the water. I got really close to the tree. I put my hand in the fire. I didn’t get burned. I hugged the tree. The flames were warm.

    I backed away from the tree. The flames engulfed me. I ran around my backyard and the flames trailed off me like a cape. I called myself Fireman.

    A raccoon, opossum, a family of mice, and a badger ran skipping behind me.

    I got tired and lay down on the grass. The animals ran back and forth over me, squealing their sounds.

    I fell asleep.

    I woke up in the morning. The flames were gone. Even though I was just wearing a night shirt, and my skin and clothes were covered with dew, I felt warm.

  • Giving the eye

    I dug a hole. I got in and sat down. I liked the coolness of the earth. The silence was profound.

    A crow landed on the edge of the hole. The crow said, “What are you doing?” I said I was taking it easy. The crow said, “Are you tired?” I said I wasn’t.

    The crow said, “Do you see any worms?” I said I didn’t. I did see some worms. Three actually. But I didn’t want harm to come to them.

    The crow said, “Are you sure?”

    I said I was.

    The crow gave me the eye. That’s their specialty. Plenty folk fold in on themselves and do a crow’s bidding when they get the eye.

    I looked at the space between the crow’s eyes. It’s something my dad taught me. He said it’s a way to meet someone’s gaze when you think it might be too much. It keeps you from looking away.

    The crow was overcome by my stare. It looked away and flew off.

    One of the worms said, “Thanks, that was very kind of you.”

    I said, “No one wants to be anyone’s lunch.”

  • The duck and its needs

    There was a knock at the door. I answered it. A duck looked up. I asked what it wanted. The duck asked why I hadn’t been to the lake tossing the bread crumbs. I said I’d been busy. The duck asked what I’d been doing. I said I’d been doing a lot of things.

    The duck asked me if I had breadcrumbs. I said I had bread. The duck asked if he could have some. I asked if he wanted it plain, or with peanut butter. The duck’s eyes lit up and he said with peanut butter. I asked the duck to wait.

    I went into the kitchen. I came back with a plate of two slices of peanut butter bread. I set the plate on the ground. The duck looked up and said thanks.

    I closed the door. I sat down at my desk and wrote about what happened.

    There was a knock at the door. I got up and answered. It was the duck. He had finished the meal. He asked me what I was doing. I said I was writing about my encounter with him. He asked if he could read it. I invited him in.

    He read what I’d written. He asked if I would add the part about him coming in and reading the story. I said yes.

  • The building that was

    The building was gone. It was there a moment ago. I had been standing outside the building, washing the ground floor windows. In mid-wipe the building was no more.

    No traces remained. Not even marks on the ground. In its place was a plum tree. There were ripe plums. I ate one.

    Someone came by and asked about the building. They said they had an appointment in the building. I said I didn’t know where it went. The told me again about their appointment and asked me what to do. I suggested they eat a plum. They said they didn’t like plums.

  • The rabbit and the balloon

    A balloon moved quickly across the field. A rabbit chased after it. The rabbit said, “Hey balloon!” The balloon said, “I can’t talk now.” The rabbit said, “Where you headed?” The balloon said, “I’m sorry, I’m in a hurry.” The rabbit said, “Can I come with you?” The balloon didn’t answer.

    The balloon flew into the woods. The rabbit stopped. The rabbit was nervous. It looked at the balloon as it moved through the trees. The rabbit called out to the balloon, “Hey!” The balloon kept on its way. The rabbit said, “Wait for me!”

    Suddenly there was a popping sound. The rabbit said, “Balloon, are you okay?” There was silence. The rabbit said, “Balloon?” Nothing.

    With great fear the rabbit hopped into the woods. The rabbit looked around in terror. It called out, “Balloon, it’s me, rabbit. Are you alright?” Quiet. The rabbit moved forward, sniffing the air for a whiff of the balloon. The rabbit said, “Where are you?”

    There was a flapping sound. The rabbit moved cautiously in its direction.

    The rabbit came upon the balloon, flat, torn, and stuck on a jagged branch. The rabbit said, “Balloon, balloon, are you okay?!” A wind flapped the limp balloon against the branch.

    The rabbit leapt and pulled the balloon down gently with its mouth, and laid it flat on the forest floor. The rabbit got near the balloon and whispered, “I’m so sorry, balloon.”

    The rabbit looked up at the sound from the tree above. An owl had alighted from a branch and was diving towards the rabbit. The rabbit grabbed the balloon in its mouth and ran back towards the field.

    The rabbit looked back as the owl reached its outstretched claws towards the rabbit. The owl’s talons got caught in the shredded balloon. The owl was distracted and ran into a tree. The owl lay unconscious on the ground.

    The rabbit was shaking as it hopped to the owl and untangled the balloon from its claws The rabbit moved quickly through the woods with the balloon lightly in its mouth, saying, “It’s going to be okay!” The rabbit shot back into the field, and then down into its lair.

    The rabbit set the balloon down on the straw bed. The balloon lay still and silent. The rabbit said, “You’re safe now. I’ll protect you.”

  • A thing I did for the lion

    I was at the zoo and the lion motioned me towards it’s cage. I got close, but not as close as the lion urged. The lion asked me if I had any catnip or knew where I could get some. I said I didn’t have any, but they sold it by the box at Smellner’s Pet Emporium. The lion asked me if I would get 12 boxes. I asked the lion if it had any money. They lion threw out a fifty dollar bill. I said I would be back.

    I went to Smellner’s and came back with 12 boxes of Jeeber’s Brand catnip. I stood near the lion’s cage and threw in the catnip, one box at a time. One of the boxes hit the bars of the cage and landed just outside. The lion asked me to get the box and toss it in. I said that was too close for comfort. The lion promised it wouldn’t reach out and hurt me. I refused. The lion asked again and I refused.

    The lion sighed and asked me if there was any change from the fifty. I nodded and took the $13.42 and crumpled the bills and coins together along with the receipt and tossed them into the cage. The lion uncrumpled it and looked at the receipt and counted the money. The lion said thanks. I nodded and left.

    I went by the bear’s cage. The bear asked me if I had any salmon. I said I didn’t. Actually I had some salmon jerky in my coat pocket, but I’m not prone to sharing.

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