Feeling Special

I like feeling special. Here are some times in my life where I felt special:

1. In 1974 I became friends with President Gerald Ford. He sought me out. I got a letter from him that invited me to come and visit him at the White House. My parents or sister weren’t invited. My dad dropped me off at the White House and I spent the day with the President. We ate a big spaghetti meal, and ate quite a lot of chocolate cookies. We watched the movie Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein. Not on TV, but screened in the Grover Cleveland Presidential Screening Room. We also rolled around on the White House lawn. I wore a nice white shirt that got covered with green stains. I said that my parents were going to throw a fit, and President Ford issued me a pardon.

2. When I was three I got cast in a TV commercial for Salem cigarettes. Back then, kids were given cigarettes to smoke to help calm tantrums.  Anyway, I stared in this commercial. In it, I’m sitting in my desk at school, having difficulty figuring out math test problems. I lit a Salem cigarette and got my bearings back and aced the test. It was nice having all the attention during the shoot, and I got paid in 12 cartons of Salem menthol!!

Got away for a while

I had enough and got in my boat. I rode out a few miles, got out my deep sea suit, hooked it up, and went to the bottom of the Ocean. I sat there for a while. I liked the quiet and the dark.

Soon a squid came by. The squid waved at me with it’s many tentacles. I nodded. The squid moved on.

A whale came along. The whale winked at me. I nodded at the whale. The whale swam on.

I sat for a long while with no more interactions. I fell asleep twice.

I got hungry and went back to the surface. I took off the deep sea suit and looked around for snacks, but there was nothing. I rode the boat back to the dock.

I parked my boat and went to the restaurant just off the dock. The waitress brought me a menu. I ordered a hamburger and a cola.

 

I wish I was your…

My friend, Nebbie the Star

I’m friends with a Star. Her official name is Nebulous 460, but I call her Nebbie.

For many years, Nebbie and I maintained a long-distance friendship. I would lay out in my backyard at night and yell my end of the conversation, Nebbie, screaming hers back to me.

When I finally got my rocket ship, I flew up into space to surprise visit Nebbie. She was shocked and surprised. We spent the whole day talking and it was nice because neither of us went hoarse.

 

A few ways I’m different

I sleep standing up. I’ve been sleeping this way since I saw a horse asleep while standing in its stall. I only have to sleep this way two hours a night to get a full night’s sleep.

I eat by holding food in my hand. I don’t have to chew it. I hold the food in my right hand, and it gets absorbed through the skin. The great thing about this is that I never have to brush my teeth.

I speak without opening my mouth. What I want to say appears in the air in florescent colors. The person I’m conversing with reads the words, says their response, and my response appears again in the air.

Everything else about me is pretty normal. Except my bones are made of Styrofoam. I bought them at a hobby shop.