The Big Idea

I was having a hard time making ends meet. And then I got the big idea. I got in my time machine and rode back to April 15th, 1865, the evening, outside of Ford’s Theater. I got a playbill for Our American Cousin and waited outside the theater.

A horse and carriage pulled up and President Lincoln and his wife Mary got out. I went up to President Lincoln and asked him to autograph the playbill. He agreed and as he signed I thought about the certain million dollars I would get when I auctioned off this playbill upon returning to the present day. President Lincoln handed me the autographed playbill and went into the theater.

I felt like a guilty idiot as I got in my time machine and rode back to the present day. I sat for hours staring at the autographed playbill sitting on my living room table. I couldn’t take it and rode back in time to the theater.

As President Lincoln arrived, I showed him my time machine, and told him about the events that were going to transpire. President Lincoln informed the police who found and arrested John Wilkes Booth. President Lincoln invited me to be his guest of honor in the Presidential Box with his wife. I agreed.

Halfway through the play, I became restless with the old-timey dialogue. President Lincoln sensed my unease, took out a tin, leaned over, and whispered, “Are you in need of a dusting of Doc Frickner’s anti-itch powder?”

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