I sat at the edge of the creek. The creek said, “Hi, Brooks. What’s up?”
I said, “Hi Creek, nothing, I just wanted to sit with you for a bit.”
The creek said, “Okay.”
We sat quietly for a while, and then I noticed the creek had risen to my feet. Soon I was submerged waist deep.
I said, “Creek, what’s going on?”
The creek said, “What do you mean?”
I kept quiet as the creek rose to my chest.
I took my time machine back to 1708 and the jail in the town of Muehlhausen, Germany. There in one of the cells was the famous composer J.S. Bach. I knew he would be there because I read about it in Wikipedia. I do the research because I like to find out where famous geniuses had their low points, so that I can visit them and feel better about myself.
1. I was riding my bike on the Moon when I shot up a crater and went sailing into the Moon’s atmosphere. I kept peddling like crazy, but it didn’t make a difference as I floated slowly forward, then sideways, followed by upside down.
2. I was tracing my hand on paper, I really like to trace my hand and had already done over fifty tracings, when I was visited by the ghost of Abigail Adams. She wanted to do a tracing. I handed her the pen, but it went right through her hand because she’s a ghost.
3. I climbed Mount Everest. When I got to the top, I did a victory jig, fists raised in the air. But then a hawk alighted on my head and I felt undone, and sulked all the way back down the mountain.
I picked up a penny from the ground.
The penny said, “What?”
I said, “I didn’t say anything.”
The penny said, “I swear you did.”
I said, ” I didn’t.”
The penny said, “Whatever.”
I said, “Is there something you want to say?”
The penny thought and said, ” I wish I were a quarter.”
I said, “Me too.”
I like feeling special. Here are some times in my life where I felt special:
1. In 1974 I became friends with President Gerald Ford. He sought me out. I got a letter from him that invited me to come and visit him at the White House. My parents or sister weren’t invited. My dad dropped me off at the White House and I spent the day with the President. We ate a big spaghetti meal, and ate quite a lot of chocolate cookies. We watched the movie Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein. Not on TV, but screened in the Grover Cleveland Presidential Screening Room. We also rolled around on the White House lawn. I wore a nice white shirt that got covered with green stains. I said that my parents were going to throw a fit, and President Ford issued me a pardon.
2. When I was three I got cast in a TV commercial for Salem cigarettes. Back then, kids were given cigarettes to smoke to help calm tantrums. Anyway, I stared in this commercial. In it, I’m sitting in my desk at school, having difficulty figuring out math test problems. I lit a Salem cigarette and got my bearings back and aced the test. It was nice having all the attention during the shoot, and I got paid in 12 cartons of Salem menthol!!
