In Line

I’m waiting in line outside K-Mart. I figure there are about five-hundred of us so far. It’s fair to say we’re all excited about the Black Friday sales that are awaiting us inside.

I’m mostly excited about the Sunbeam Toaster. It toasts six slices at a time. It normally sells for $39.99. I’m hoping it’s going for $5. My wife is in line with me. She doesn’t understand my passion for the toaster. She says, “Why the hell do you want to waste your money on that damn toaster!? We only eat two slices between us!” But I like to have the option. What’s a man without his freedom to choose?

My wife’s hoping Homeline’s Do-It-All Iron is up for a major price reduction. It irons clothes, as well as heats water for tea, cooks brussel sprouts, and aroma-therapies the air. She’s got last year’s model which doesn’t cook brussel sprouts and she wants to upgrade. I told her, “What the hell, we don’t eat brussel sprouts!” She yelled back at me, “We don’t now, but what if we change our mind?!” I said, “You gotta know what you stand for!”

We haven’t spoken to each other since the argument. That was about nine hours ago. I’m hoping she apologizes soon because we’re going to need to operate as a team when the doors open in five hours.