I’m so glad you stopped by.

“Hi, it’s me, Chalmers the frog. Thanks for visiting. I was hoping you would come by.

It’s not that I have a message. It’s just that I like your hereness. Your personal aroma delights me.

I often think of that time we visited Paris. At the top of the Eiffel Tower, you told me that I was your best friend. You held my webbed hand. We breathed together.

I also think of the time we bought The Soap Store franchise. We were entranced each store featured over 1000 different brands of soap!”

Me and the star

I laid out on the grass in my backyard and looked up at the night sky.

I noticed one star that seemed to be looking at me. I waved. The star twinkled.

I said, “How’s your night?”

The star said, “Where I come from it’s never night or day.”

I said, “Well, here’s your right now?”

The star said, “It’s nice since you started talking to me.”

I said, “I feel the same about you.”

Seeking some more advice from Shiva

I felt frustrated and climbed eighteen hours to the top of Mount Mendenenend to seek advice from Shiva. I came across Shiva who was sitting cross-legged on a mat.

Shiva said, “What is it now?”

I said, “I’m frustrated.”

Shiva said, “Okay, sit next to me, under the Moonlight.”

I sat down next to Shiva. An hour went by. Then another two hours. I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was back at home, in my bed. I heard a sound coming from the kitchen. I asked who was there.

Shiva came into my bedroom, with a plate, loaded down with a foot high of food. Shiva sat down on the end of my bed and began to eat.

I said, “How did we get back to my place?”

Shiva said, “The problem with you is you’re always asking questions. Sometimes you just have to enjoy a full plate of food.”

A nice time spent with the ghost of Washington

While eating lunch, I was visited by the ghost of George Washington.

It wasn’t the first time. He visits me a few times a month. Last year he stopped by when I was taking a bath. He was very calm about it. Back in the late 1700s, nudity was unimportant. Bodies weren’t sexualized as they are now. Seeing someone’s naked body was like seeing a watermelon without a shirt.

On today’s visit, I was eating a BBQ turkey leg. The ghost of Washington was enthralled by the intensity of the smell of the seasonings. He said, “It feels like three times the dose of snuff.”

I set down the turkey leg, and wiped off my hands on a napkin. The ghost of Washington took off his wig and let me rub his bald head. It’s something we both enjoy doing.

I thought I would be okay, but I wasn’t, and then I was

I took a trip to Antarctica.

I didn’t realize there would be so many penguins. I’m allergic to penguins. (I had thought when I got there, there would be just a few penguins and that I could avoid them and be okay.)

As a result I was coughing and sneezing repeatedly. Normally that would have drove me nuts, but I forgot to wear a coat and my allergic reactions kept me warm.