I had lunch with the ghost of Walt Disney. In a desperate effort to relate to him, I said that I like to be creative too. I told him about one of my recent Better Late than Dead blog posts.
The ghost of Walt said, “Yes, but those highfalutin days are behind me. Now I roam the Earth as a phantom, beholding the Creator’s unending and multifarious manifestations.”
I gave up and sulked head first on the table.
The ghost of Walt said, “Behold, despair!”
God and I took our monthly walk through the Holland Tunnel in NYC. We had to speak loudly due to the traffic noises. People like to honk to get God’s attention.
I asked God if we could move our walks to a less noisy location in the future because being quieter is more spiritual.
Just then a truck blared it’s horn as the driver waved frantically at God and howled out the window like a mad wolf.
God said, “That, my friend, is spiritual.”
I found a pair of false teeth on the ground. I looked around to see if anyone was looking for them.
That’s when I saw the owl up in the tree looking back at me. The owl had no expression on its face.
I picked up the set of teeth and tossed them up in the air. The owl alit from the tree, flew towards the teeth, and opened its mouth, catching the teeth. The owl flew back to the tree.
The owl looked at me and smiled.
I was walking alone through the woods when I came upon Ichabod Crane. I could tell he was feeling bummed and I asked what was up.
Ichabod said, “I wish my life were a better place to live.”
I said that it wasn’t up to him but to the writer Washington Irving.
Ichabod went on to say, “Oh, but my heart breaks over the loss of the affections of Katrina Van Tassel.”
I said again that none were to blame but Mr. Irving and the strokes of his pen.
Ichabod said, “But are you too beholdened to the imaginings of Mr. Irving?”
I said that I was unfortunately bound to an unknown author.
In the morning, I got on my turtle to ride into town. By the time I got to town, it was night and everything was closed. I turned my turtle around to go back home.
My turtle said, “Why don’t you just get a car?”
I said that I like to travel more naturally.
My turtle said, “But then things like this happen.”
I said that I didn’t mind because I liked our time together.
The turtle said, “Sure, that makes sense.”
Archives
