Unfortunate

Life is a series of unfortunate events with a narrator.

Salad talk

I asked the cherry tomato in my salad if I was sad I was about to eat it.

The cherry tomato said, “I’m just glad you decided to talk to me.”

Thought Leader

I’m considered one of today’s top thought leaders. This morning I thought about how honey and butter taste good on toast!

2017

2017 woke me up from my sleep last night. I asked what it wanted. 2017 said, “I’m sure I’m going to do a crappy job.” I said at times that’s to be expected.

2017 said, “But I want people to like me.” I said that some people are naturally predisposed to being upset.

2017 said, “Well, how should I approach the year?” I said to make sure the Earth rotates, prevent the Moon from hitting the Earth, and don’t let the Sun go out.

2017 said, “What if I can’t?” I said it wouldn’t matter because there’d be no one left to notice or be upset.

2017 said, “Thanks, that really helps!”