What happened under the tree

I sat under the tree. The tree said, “You’re so lucky to be able to walk around and go wherever you like.”

I said, “Yes, and out of all the places I could go, I chose to be with you.”

The interesting thing I saw at my temp job

Today is day nine of my office temp job at the Trump Transition Headquarters. I pretty much file papers and hardly see anyone.

But today I was walking through the lobby and saw Mr. Trump asleep in a chair. I’ve heard that he never sleeps at night and falls asleep randomly during the day in various places. I thought of putting a sign on him that said something like, “Please put mannequin outside in dumpster.”

But I decided against it when I realized that if someone actually did what the sign said I would probably end up feeling lousy.

Poeing

I took my time machine back to 1843 Baltimore and the home of Edgar Allan Poe. Mr. Poe wasn’t there.

At first I was all reverential of the space. But then I lost it and started skipping around and singing, “Nevermore, nevermore, you heard what I said, neeeeverrrmooore!”

That’s when Mr. Poe came home and said, “For the love of Godin, what be the meaning of this intrusion?!”

I thought, “Who’s Godin?”

The Rock

I sat on the rock.

The rock said, “Would you please not sit on me.”

I apologized and stood next to the rock.

The rock said, “Would you please stand somewhere else.”

I said okay and walked about 100 feet away.

The rock said, “I can still see you!”

The late night visitor

I was woken by a tapping at my bedroom window. I sat up in bed and opened the window.

I said, “Who’s there?”

A voice said, “It’s me.”

I asked who that was.

The voice said, “Brooks, it’s me, the Moon!”

I took off my sleep mask and was met by the bright and shiny planetary visage. It was like the brilliant flash of a camera and for a few moments I couldn’t see anything and I fell out of bed.

The Moon laughed but I didn’t think it was funny.

Thus spoke the apple tree

I took a walk along the dirt road. A truck roared by and I was quickly covered by the ensuing dust cloud.

The apple tree off to the side of the road saw me and said, “Oh, my God, the dirt has come to life, and is meaning to do me harm!”

I’ve always felt that of all the fruits, apples are the most reactive.