Uncategorized | Better Late Than Dead

Posted by Brooks on Feb 14, 2023 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

My birth story

I was a stork birth.

As a baby, a stork dropped me from the sky and into a chimney. There was a fire going, but I was okay because I was wearing asbestos diapers. Storks knew the possibilities and planned ahead.

My parents were sitting by the fire at the time. They were surprised. But also good reactors and pulled me from the fireplace.

They named me Brooks because they were both fans of water but felt Ocean would have given me a big head.

I was a cute baby and the next day they got me an agent, and the day after that I was cast in a Pampers commercial. It was very popular and seen by President Nixon who declared me the Nation’s Baby Laureate.

Posted by Brooks on Feb 7, 2023 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Another bad choice

I had it with gravity today and lifted off the ground and joined a flock of butterflies.

I turned out I didn’t care for their erratic nature of flying.

I tried to keep up with them as they jerkily flit in and around flowers trying to get pollen, and I ended up hurting my back.

I wish I’d joined the seagulls instead. They were languidly wind sailing way up in the sky. But I was too lazy to put in the effort to reach them.

Posted by Brooks on Feb 7, 2023 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Shadowless

I was born without a shadow.

My parents were distraught. They spent a great deal of money on lighting to help bring about my shadow, but to no avail.

When I got older, I was approached by people who wanted to sell me a shadow, but the cost was prohibitive.

Posted by Brooks on Jan 31, 2023 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

My bright friend

I like to tunnel to the center of the Earth. I use my hands. I don’t care for shovels. Shovels give me blisters.

My hands are great scoopers. And they’re fast. They move at the same rate as hummingbird wings.

All total, it usually takes me an hour and fifteen minutes to an hour thirty. That includes a five minute rester.

I’m fond of these trips because the center of the Earth is a good friend of mine. We talk for hours on end.

The other night we talked forever about radishes. Neither of us likes them, but we can’t help purchasing them when we go to the grocery store. We can’t get enough of their pinkish glow.

Posted by Brooks on Jan 30, 2023 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

The sky’s the limit

I asked the sky, “How did you get your job?”

The sky said, “I sent in my resume and went through a few interviews. I shared about past jobs like when I was the space inside a Del Monte string bean can, and then the space in a 1987 Ford Aerostar minivan, I even included when I was the ample empty space inside your skull.”

I said, “No wonder you seem familiar.”

Posted by Brooks on Aug 22, 2022 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

From the mice to the bears!

I just finished the 21st draft of the yours truly Brooks story memoir.

👍 I’ve printed up four copies and I’m going to distribute them to well thought out appropriate places.

🐁 The first I’ll drop off where the field meets the forest. This will allow the creatures from both worlds to read my book. Or as I like to say, from the mice to the bears. 🐻

🎲 The second one I’ll set down on a folding table at the Soak-n-Suds laundromat in Ottumwa, Iowa. I have a lot of fans in this charming city that also like doing laundry.

🔄 The third one I’ll drop in my recycling bin because I really like to recycle.

🗽 The fourth one I’ll leave on a bench on 59th Street in Manhattan. It’s a bench right next to Central Park that a lot of publishers sit at for lunch. I’ve heard this is how J.D. Salinger got A Catcher in the Rye published.