Pre-birth Brooks

I took a ride in my time-machine back to my parent’s house the day before I was born.

I knocked and my dad answered. As a subterfuge I said I was selling Fuller Brushes. I didn’t want my parents to know it was me. They would be less surprised and possibly less interested to meet me as baby, which would have had problems of its own.

My dad said, “We’re not interested.” From within the house, my mom said, “Who is it, dear?” My dad said, “It’s a guy selling Fuller Brushes.” My mom said, “I heard those are good brushes. Buy three.” My dad rolled his eyes and said, “We’ll take three.” I said I didn’t have the brushes on me. I would turn the order into the main office and they would get the brushes in two weeks.

My dad took out his wallet and said, “How much do I owe you?” I said he didn’t owe me anything. He would pay when the brushes arrive in two weeks. He said, “Aren’t you going to give me a copy of the order?” I said the company eliminated paper work as a way to reduce global warming. He said, “What’s global warming?”

My mom came to the door. She was very pregnant. She said to my dad, “Where are the brushes?” My dad said, “We have to wait two weeks.” My mom said, “Oh.” My mom looked at me. She said, “You look familiar. Where do I know you from?” I said I’d done an Alka-Seltzer commercial a few months back.

She said, “Oooh, the baby kicked! I asked when the baby was due. She said, “Hopefully in the next week.” I asked if they picked out a name. My dad said, “H-41-Z-9.”