3 noteworthy events

I died and spirit-shot straight up to the clouds. I landed on one particularly puffy cloud. Waiting there was God.

God said, “What are you doing here?” I said I’d died and got sent there. God said, “How did you die?” I said I fell asleep under a parked truck. I didn’t wake up in time to notice it was being driven away and over me.” God said, “Why did you sleep under the truck?” I said, “I saw someone do it once in a movie. I was curious to see what it was like.”

God said, “Well, it goes against what I’m always saying, which is, “Don’t!”

….

I got a temporary temp job at the White House. It was a filing job. I love filing because I love the alphabet. If there’s an H file, I get excited remembering H is between G and I. I feel like letters are my friends. They like me and I like them.

I was filing when President Trump came by. He stopped and asked me what I was doing. I said that I was filing. He said I seemed so happy. I told him the things I told you in the first paragraph.

…..

I was walking through the woods. It got to be night. I came upon a cave and decided to go within and sleep the night. It was too dark to see inside the cave. I felt my way along the walls. I came upon a large warm furry lump. It was it breathing deeply. I figured it must be a hibernating bear. It was November and I felt I would be safe since the bear would most probably be hibernating until the Spring. I cuddled up to the bear for warmth and fell asleep.

It was a deep sleep. I didn’t wake up until March, according to my cell phone display. I slowly got up and began to creep away from the bear. The bear yawned. I stopped. I heard the bear stand and move around. Suddenly the bear stopped. I heard the bear say, “Is someone here?” I didn’t say anything. The bear said, “I can hear you breathing.” I said, “Just me. I’m on my way out.” The bear said, “I’m hungry!” I figured I was going to be eaten. The bear said, “I know of a restaurant a mile and a half from here called the Waffle Shack. You wanna go?”