Oh my God

I came home to find my house in great disarray. The refrigerator door had been torn off its hinges and lay in the middle of the living room. A half-eaten steak was nailed to the wall. The cat was swimming in the fish tank. The sofa was sawed in five pieces. My prized collection of Highlight’s magazines were covered in jam and torn to shreds, strewn the length of the hallway.

I walked into the bedroom and found God snoring and and naked asleep on the bed.

I shook God and shouted, “Wake up, God!”

God muttered, “Let me sleep.”

I shouted, “No, you need to get up now!”

God’s eyes opened. God said, “Okay, go ahead. What are you gonna beg me for this time? A full head of hair? Unlimited licorice? No more itching?”

I said, “You wrecked my house! Why would you do that? I thought we were friends.”

God said, “I don’t know. Sorry.”

I said, “Whatever.”

I went into the living room and pulled the cat out of the fish tank. I got out a towel and dried it off.

I picked up the refrigerator door and tried to put it back on, but I had no luck with the ripped hinges. I left the door leaning against the refrigerator.

I got out a hammer and pulled the steak off the wall and threw it in the trash.

I got out some rope and did my best to tie together the pieces of the sofa.

God came into the living room, sat on the sofa, which broke apart. God flipped over backwards, arms and legs flung out wildly.