Incident with the Newlyweds

Last night I slept walked into my time machine and unconsciously pushed the dials to August 22nd, 1848, and St. Louis, Missouri. I woke up to the sounds of donkeys braying. I was standing in the middle of a dirt roadway. The donkeys were attached to a stilled buggy that was carrying a just married bride and bridegroom. The groom said, “What ya doin’ in the middle of the road, sonny?” I got my wits about me and said that I was crossing the street and got tired and was resting. The bride looked at my lower half and I realized I was just wearing my skimpy red nighttime briefs that had the letters “zzzzzz” on the rear.

The bridegroom said, “How much longer are ya gonna be in repose?” I patted one of the donkey’s head and said that it shouldn’t be much longer. It was then I realized I was speaking to pre-U.S.President Ulysses S. Grant. He was with his new bride, the once Julia Dent. I’m a big fan of U.S. President’s wives and know all their names. When I was a kid I collected all their action figures, except for Helen Louise Herron “Nellie” Taft, the wife of President William Taft’s wife. For some reason they were always sold out of her at the Toys R’ Us.