I love swearing

I swear a great deal. It comes shooting out of my mouth like a spout out of a whale. It’s automatic, like burping after a big meal. I was told not to cuss when I was very young. To get around that I learned to use those oh so special words when no one was around, or I would think them when in the hearing vicinity of the punishers.

It’s noon here, and I’ve already sworn over thirty times. After one of these curse eruptions a thought came, ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t swear so often.’ But then the thought saw how foolish it sounded and slinked off.

Earlier today I time travel visited my good friend President Abraham Lincoln at the White House, April 1864. He was beyond stressed from the endless Civil War. He swore more than I’ve ever in a day. Here were some of my favorites:

Ox balls, bird turd licker, butt rainbow, dandy-doody-doer, and fart cloud.