Where the day went wrong

I’m looking back at the day, wondering where it went wrong. Here’s what I came up with so far:

When I woke up, the day was at my bedside and said, “Good morning, what can I do for you?” I said, “Who are you?” The day’s feelings were hurt, and I didn’t apologize…

I took my pet rhino, Bertrand, for a morning poop walk. Bertrand kept almost going, but couldn’t find the right spot. I let out the slightest sigh of frustration. Bertrand heard and tried to ram me, but missed and hit my neighbor’s Cadillac…

God stopped by. I made God a plate of cheese nachos. God took a bite, spit it out and said, “This cheese tastes old and shitty.” I said, “I’m sorry, but I just bought it this morning.” God said, “Are you challenging my dominion?!” I said, “No, but yeah.”