Mistakes I want to stop making

Mistakes I Want to Stop Making In 2017:
1. Waving at bears in the woods.
2. Chasing butterflies with my car.
3. Attending seances to try and contact Lucille Ball.
4. Riding Elmer the Bucking Elephant at the rodeo.
5. Eating corn still on the stalk on McPherson’s farm.
6. Applying Monsanto’s Deluxe Mint Scented Hair Restorer.
7. Making excuses for Frick the Bull’s destruction of the living room.

…There’s a lot more, but I’m trying to be realistic.