There’s No Way Around It

While raking leaves I heard the snap, pop, and crackle of imminent time-travel. I let go of the rake. Last time I time-traveled, I was shoveling and held on to the shovel and traveled with the shovel and in all of the hullabaloo forgot to bring it back. Anyway, I really liked the rake.

I fell through the tubes of time with great ease. The first time I time-traveled, I was tense because I was freaking out. I tumbled and got some bruises.

This time around I casually fell back into time onto someone’s front yard. A cocker spaniel dog came up to me and began licking my face. I heard a man shout, “Checkers, get off the man!”

The dog backed off and I was greeted by then Vice-Presidential nominee Richard Nixon. I was amazed at his timeless ability to always look old.

I stood up and shook hands with Nixon. He courteously said, “I’m Dick Nixon.”

I said, “I’m Brooks Palmer.”

Nixon said, “You’re not from around here, are you?” 

I said, “No, I’m from the future.”

Nixon looked at me for a while and then said, “The future’s going to kick me in the pants, isn’t it?” 

I said, “Yes. But it does to everyone.”

Nixon’s wife Pat came out the front door. Pat yelled, “Who is that, Dick?”

Nixon said, “It’s a man from the future, honey.”

Pat said, “What does he say is in store for us?”

Nixon said, “Nothing but blue skies, dear.”

Pat said, “Oh, shit.”