A Night at the Theater

I felt time fade and crackle as I slipped from this moment in time and found myself sitting behind a couple at the theater. They were seated up in a secluded balcony. I leaned forward and noticed I was behind President Abraham Lincoln. I was excited because I like to see plays.

One of the actors on the stage said, “Don’t know the manners of good society, eh? Well, I guess I know enough to turn you inside out, old gal; you sockdologizing old man-trap!” I thought about how words have a life span and then die just like people. Some words last centuries. And then there’s sockdologizing.

Just then a man came through the entrance to the balcony. I noticed that he was John Wilkes Booth. I got Cs and Ds in history. But that’s because I had to write answers to questions on tests. If they showed photos of people instead, I could have said who they were and what they did, and gotten As. This made me angry at my schooling and I decided to change history and I tackled John Wilkes Booth.

President Lincoln turned around and saw what I had done and thanked me. John Wilkes Booth was arrested and taken away.

After all the hullabaloo settled down, President Lincoln took me aside and asked me what I had been doing in his private booth. I told Lincoln about my odd quirk of spontaneous time-travel. He believed me. When you’re President, you see all kinds of crazy shit, and it leaves you open-minded.