The Embarasements Never End

The ghost of President U.S. Grant stopped by late this morning. I was in awe. Some Presidents are okay. They seem just like any other guy except they’re dressed nice. But Grant left me speechless. I’m sure my girlfriend would say that’s because I’m empathetic since he died of throat cancer.

But he’s GRANT. I’m a hopeless fan. The worst part of going gaga with a celebrity is the awkwardness they feel. What do you do with a person who stares at you and drools? I looked away so I could get some bearings and stop being an insaniac.

I said, “Damn, these allergies!”

President U.S. Grant said, “When hayfever kicked me in the arse, I soaked skunkweed over night in whiskey, and in the morning drank nature’s medicine. I could smell an tick’s fart down in Alabamy.”