Conflict in the Forest

I was lost in Glacier National Park. This bothered me because I couldn’t enjoy the scenery. My attention was on not freezing to death, and then avoiding being eaten by the wild animals.

This shows you how delirious I was: I tried using the GPS feature on my iPhone. The weird thing was the GPS showed me my location in the Park, but there are no streets, so it was confederate information.

Eventually I collapsed in exhaustion. I laid on the snow, ready to give up. Then this bear comes up to me and I thought, “Oh, crap, I don’t think I can take being eaten now.”

The bear says, “Can I be of help?”

I said, “Really?”

The bear said, “I can help you out of here. I know my way really well.”

I nodded. The bear picked me up and slung me over his shoulder.

The bear walked for about an hour when he came to a cave. He said, “I have to stop in here for a second.” The bear goes in. Then I hear this big argument. The bear then comes out looking exasperated.

The bear says, “I’m sorry, but my wife says I can’t save you. She says I’m behind in my preparation for hibernation.”

I said okay. I didn’t want to push it because I have learned to stay away from arguments between couples.