The Father of Our Country

I was taking a bath when the bathroom door flew open and the ghost of George Washington appeared. I recognized him from the quarter and the one dollar bill. He was angry.

George Washington said, “Where’s my wooden teeth?!”

I said, “I-I-I don’t know.”

George Washington said, “I need you to find them right now!!”

Then I realized I was feeling anxious and scared. Ghosts are initially disconcerting. And my bath time is sacred. It’s my time to shut off the world and relax. I was in a vulnerable place. At that moment, I didn’t care if he was our first President or that he helped us defeat the British in the Revolutionary War.

I stood up and pointed out the door and said, “Get the hell out of my bathroom!”

George Washington looked down and saw that I was naked. He was embarrassed. I covered myself up and thought, “God, the humiliations never end.”