Proof of Existence!

I went into my closet to get a shirt when I fell through a crack in time. I landed in the year 1650, on top of the desk of René Descartes in France. Descartes happened to be in the midst of “Discourse on the Method and Principles of Philosophy.”

I apologized and helped Descartes re-straighten the items on his desk. I said that I’d fallen from the future. He didn’t understand me though because I was speaking in English. I think I was so flustered from the time travel that I didn’t think to switch languages.

I looked down at his writings and saw in French, “I think, therefore I am.” This made me so angry because I hate philosophy. Especially Descartes. Whenever I hear it uttered, it makes me feel like life comes to a screeching halt, and everything comes crashing into it. I picked up the paper and tore it to shreds.

Descartes said, “What the hell are you doing?!”

I said, “You don’t have to prove existence. This alone is evidence enough.

Descartes said, “How can I be certain that what I think I see with my eyes is in fact being grasped solely by the faculty of judgment which is in my mind?”

I said, “No! Stop that. Seriously. Weren’t you listening to me? You are here. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be.”

Descartes started to write that down. I grabbed his pen and threw it out the window into the moat. Descartes got very angry. I forgot that it was hard to come by pens back then. I told him that in the future everyone has too many pens. I pulled a Bic out of my back pocket. He was fascinated and couldn’t believe that he didn’t have to dip it in ink.