The Convention

I was in Seattle the past week. I was at a bear convention. There were about 75 of us in attendance. The first three days we went to meetings. We had guest lecturers talk about the different kinds of bears and their habits.

The last day we all went out to the woods in search of bears. It was scary. We’d previously only seen bears in movies and at the zoo.

A couple of hours into it a grizzly bear came out from behind some trees. We got so flustered that we couldn’t remember if we were supposed to lay down and play dead, or run for our lives. So some of us screamed, some passed out, and a few of us ran right into trees. The grizzly stood there in awe of our confusion.

I was the biggest idiot. I smeared honey all over my body, made buzzing sounds, and flapped my arms really fast. The bear saw me, shook its head and walked away. I think he probably thought we were rabid and didn’t want to catch it.