The Duchy of Prussia

This morning I was woken up by the ghost of John Sigismund, the Duchy of Prussia in the early 1600s.

The ghost of John S. spent a good two hours trying to convert me to Calvinism. I could barely get a word in because back in the 1600s no one’s attention was distracted by electronic devices, so everything was full steam ahead.

I couldn’t take it anymore and handed the ghost of John S. my iphone. Within seconds he came crashing down into a zombified stupor, and I went back to sleep.

Talking again with the Sun

I laid out on the grass, looking up at the Sun. I said, “I appreciate that you don’t charge me for you shining services.”

The Sun said, “I hadn’t considered that before. What would you pay for these rays?”

I said, “I was saying that I’m grateful they are free.”

The Sun said, “But if you did pay, how much would it be?”

Knowing that the Sun knew nothing about our monetary system, I said, “A handful of dirt.”

Suddenly the Sun went out. Everything was pitch black. The temperature plummeted to 40 below and falling. I barely shivered out the words, “$12,000 dollars.”

The Sun went back on in full. The Sun said, “Isn’t it a lovely day?”

Hi. It’s good to see you. The glow from the computer screen on your face makes you look like an illuminated Jesus.

Thanks

Better Late Than Dead!

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Sun Quandary

The Sun didn’t come up this morning. I went outside and threw rocks up in the sky to try and wake up the Sun. Finally one of the rocks hit the Sun.

The Sun said, “What the…?”

I apologized and said that the Sun was late for work.

The Sun said, “I’m quitting! You do it!”

I said I didn’t have the necessary illumination qualities. The Sun didn’t say anything.

So for about an hour I strained really hard to shine. But I couldn’t create light. So I gave up and sat on the ground.

From the sky I heard the Sun say, “It’s not that easy, is it?”

I said, “I never said it was.”

The Sun said, “Alright, whatever.”

The Sun came out in full. Everything was lit up.

I said, “What was that all about then?”

The Sun said, “You get what you pay for.”