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A.G.B.

One of my first jobs was working with the inventor of the telephone, Alexander Graham Bell.

That’s me in the picture, standing with an arm behind his chair. I was paid to whisper in his ear, “You can do it, you can do it!”

Others told Bell that commissioning me for such services was foolhardy. But Bell was innovative in knowing that we all feel like idiots, and can do wonders with a little inspiration.

The Crater

I bought a crater on the Moon. I go there when I need to get away.

You may say, “Well, why do you need a crater on the Moon? Couldn’t you stay anywhere on the Moon and be away?”

And you’re right. But I got to be honest with you. Just your asking me that makes me want to go up to the Moon right now and stay in my crater.

Persimmons

I sat with God under the persimmon tree.

God said, “What’s bothering you this time?”

I said, “It seems to me that the more I learn, the less I know. But, still, I can’t help but want to know more. I desire to overcome this desperate cycle so I can finally find my piece of mind.”

God pulled a persimmon off the tree and gave it to me to eat. I took a bite.

I said that it was delicious, and asked, “Is this a sign that I should just enjoy the obvious sweet fruits of life?”

God said, “I gave it to you to eat so that you’d stop talking.”

Lincolning

I took my time-travel machine back to 1865 and the White House. I looked through rooms until I came upon, my friend, President Lincoln sitting at a table, looking distant and forlorn.

I asked if anything were the matter.

President Lincoln responded, “Oh, hello, Mr. Brooks. I was pondering the weight of life, amazed that our corporeal forms can bear the force.”

I went over to my friend and tousled his hair.

He laughed and said, “Your term of endearment lifts my burden.”

All I could think was, “Oh, my God, I touched Lincoln’s hair!”