Trying to get away

I dug a hole in my backyard and laid down in it.

The ground said, “What are you doing?”

I said, “I’m pretending I’m dead so that people will leave me alone.”

The ground said, “You gotta cover yourself up with dirt if you really want to make them believe.”

I covered myself up with dirt. I breathed through a straw barely sticking out above the ground.

I got drowsy and fell asleep.

When I woke up, I was above ground. I was curious how I got out.

I saw someone approaching me. I tried to say something to them, but couldn’t speak. When they reached me, they sniffed deeply.

The marvelous walk!

I was walking in the woods when I heard a, “Pssst.” I looked around for the sender.

An oak tree waved its leaves and said, “Hey.”

I said, “Yes, what is it?”

The oak tree said, “So, you’re out for a walk?”

I said, “Mmm-hmm.”

The oak tree said, “I wish I could walk.”

I said, “Do you want me to help you with that?”

The oak tree said, “Yes, if you can.”

I went over to the oak tree and leaned hard on it. I grunted and strained.

A squirrel came down the oak tree and said, “What’s going on?”

I said that I was trying to help the oak tree to walk. I asked for the squirrel’s help. The squirrel got down on the ground and pushed against the oak tree with me.

We struggled for a good fifteen minutes. Finally the oak tree began to give way.

The oak tree said, “What do I do?! What do I do?!”

I said, “Use your roots to propel yourself forward.”

The oak tree said, “Okay, okay!”

The oak tree started to fall over.

The oak tree yelled, “Ahhhhhhhhh!”

I said, “Push up with your roots!!”

The oak tree managed a tremendous effort and slowly righted itself.

The oak tree said, “What do I do now?!”

I said, “Lift up one root at a time, inch it forward, and then hold steady.”

The oak tree strained and managed to move forward the slightest.

The oak tree said, “Holy shit, I did it! I did it!”

I said, “Yes, you did! Congratulations! Now let’s do that again.”

The oak tree labored and moved a little further.

I said, “Great, now try it without stopping.”

The oak tree began moving forward in a slow but constant progression.

By now, other forest creatures joined to see the goings on. There was the platypus, the boll weevil, the finch, the anteater, the sloth bear, and the cricket.

I walked alongside the oak tree, with my hand lightly touching its bark. The squirrel rode on the oak tree, whispering into its bark, “You’re doing oh so well.”

The oak tree was giddy and said, “Look at me! Look at me!!!!!!”

When things fall apart

I was flying through space when my rocket ship began to break apart. First the engine fell out. Then the radar dropped off. The wings cracked and fell away. And then the walls of the ship snapped off and flew out into space.

What was left was me sitting in my chair, in my spacesuit, floating in the nothingness of space.

I didn’t really need the chair, so I unbuckled the seat belt, and the chair slowly separated from me.

It was now just me, floating in space. I couldn’t tell if I was moving or still.

Being without a ship was scary. I felt vulnerable. But then I thought, “Well, how safe was I when I had the ship, because it fell apart.”

I began to relax. I noticed the Milky Way. I was in awe of the bright colors of Jupiter.

I found myself singing a song I learned back in Kindergarten:

Look at the ball bounce up and down,

Listen to the cow make its moo sound,

Smell the flower’s sweet nectar,

Feel the softness of the feather,

Taste the sweetness of the cookie,

Lookie, brookie, pookie, wookie.

Dilemma resolved

The dog wouldn’t leave its doghouse. The dog’s people put heaps of raw meat on a plate five feet from the doghouse door. But the dog remained inside.

Eventually the dog’s people died. And over time, the doghouse disintegrated.

The dog was now out of its doghouse.

I like too.

Looking back

I took my Time Machine back to visit my five-year-old self. The younger me was out back of the house, playing jacks on the concrete porch.

The younger me looked up, sighed, and said, “Oh, it’s you again.”

I said, “Hi, young Brooks. What’s up?”

The younger me said, “I don’t know.”

I said, “Do you want to know what I’ve been up to?”

The younger me said, “I don’t care.”

I said, “How can you say that? Aren’t you the least bit curious about your future?”

The younger me said, “Nope.”

I said, “Well, I’ll tell you anyway. I’ve been writing a new book. It’s about my life, actually. I mean, our life. I’m writing about everything, all the amazing stuff, and the crappy nutso shit. I’m not holding anything back. It feels like a relief to put it all down in words.”

The younger me said, “Are you doing it for a class, or something?”

I said, “No. I wanted to write it.”

The younger me said, “What? Why would you do that?!”

I said, “Well, I was inspired. And I was hoping I could interview you today and ask you about all the things I’ve forgotten from the early years. So what juicy tales have you got for me?”

The younger me thought about it and said, “This morning I had a bowl of Quisp Cereal. And then I went out to the backyard and got on the swing. After that I dug a hole in the ground and filled it with water. Do you wanna see?”

I said, “Sure” and I followed the earlier me to a small hole in the backyard. There was no water in it.

The younger me started to cry. I got out my notebook and pen and started writing this all down.