I remember “quiet quitting” when I was a serf in Minsk in 1749.
I’d just finished digging a mile-long sewage trench, when my feudal lord told me I had to cut down two wheat fields by noon.
I sighed and mumbled, “Oh boy, I can’t wait to get to that, your majesty,” as I dragged my scythe on the ground, purposefully dulling the blade.
A bunch of years ago, I spent some time in the Himalayas, and learned how to walk through walls.
I went to a particular guru who specialized in this rare skill.
Not because I wanted people to think I’m amazing. I just happen to have a fear of doors. Particularly the knobs.
Previously I’d gone to a therapist to try and overcome the problem. But she said she’d never heard of anything that strange.
🥳 I got together with all the words that have ever been in anything I’ve written.
I do it once a year. I put together a party and serve all the things that words like to eat. Avocados, Dulce, cinnamon coated meat, and raw marshmallows.
Most of it was us sitting around and not talking. Talking would have meant words would have to do their thing. I wanted them to have a break and let them know I cared.
The word that had the hardest time staying silent was “just.” “Just” is commonly uttered and it’s hard to stay still when you have so much momentum in you.
I had breakfast at the White House with President Joe Biden.
I had eggs Benedict. He had a big stack of pancakes which he soaked with syrup, topped with a hunk of butter.
I said, “How can you go to work after eating something like that? I’d have to go right back to bed.”
He said, “I don’t have the same reaction as you regarding pancakes, but I would if I ate what you’re eating.”
I said, “Hey, do you wanna skip work and go see a movie with me?”
He said, “What movie?”
I said, “Mojave. It’s six hours long of one continuous shot of the desert. I’ve seen it twice. I like to watch the sunlight shift over the sands.”
My gravity wore off and I lifted to the ceiling.
I lay on the ceiling and took a nap.
Napping on the ceiling is more relaxing than on a bed.
First off, when napping on a bed, you can never truly loll because you’re locatable by another person who can wake you up. Second, you can roll off the bed and land on the floor.
But ceiling napping is the upmost in leisure because no one is gonna think to look up to find you.
I was watching the sunset with God.
I said, “I don’t understand why there is suffering, God. Why is there injustice, disease, and poverty?”
God said, “I wish you were around when I created everything. You could have made a real difference.”
