The tree said, “Is Covid still happening?”
I said, “Unfortunately.”
The tree said, “Is there anything I can do?”
I said, “Not that I can think of.”
The tree said, “A while back there was a terrible blight. Many of the trees were stricken. I had it myself and recovered. But some other trees weren’t so lucky.”
I said, “I’m glad you’re okay.”
The tree said, “Me too you.”
I saw you yesterday. You walked out of a cloud, way up in the sky. You fell and just before you hit the ground, I caught you. You thanked me. And then you told me that you have a problem with forgetting things. You told me that you would probably forget this happened. And that I should remind you later. I’m reminding you.
I got into my car and turned on the ignition. The car said, “Where we going?” I said, “To the ice cream shop.” The car said, “But that’s 18 miles away?” I said, “Is that a problem?” The car said, “It’s kind of far.” I said, “It’s where I want to go.” The car said, “Alright, I guess.” I said, “Thanks.” The car, “Yeah, okay, whatever.”
I drove the car to the ice cream shop. I got out. I tried to push the door open to the ice cream shop. but it wouldn’t budge. I tried again, but no luck. I looked through the window. I saw the ice cream shop employees standing behind the counter. One of them motioned for me to push harder. I tried but nothing doing.
I said to the door, “What’s the holdup?” The door said, “I don’t feel like opening.” I said, “But I want to go in.” The door said, “That’s your problem, not mine.” I said, “Please.” The door sighed and said, “Okay, mister high and mighty.” I pushed again and the door opened. I said, “Thanks.” The door said something I’d feel uncomfortable typing.
I died and spirit-shot straight up to the clouds. I landed on one particularly puffy cloud. Waiting there was God.
God said, “What are you doing here?” I said I’d died and got sent there. God said, “How did you die?” I said I fell asleep under a parked truck. I didn’t wake up in time to notice it was being driven away and over me.” God said, “Why did you sleep under the truck?” I said, “I saw someone do it once in a movie. I was curious to see what it was like.”
God said, “Well, it goes against what I’m always saying, which is, “Don’t!”
….
I got a temporary temp job at the White House. It was a filing job. I love filing because I love the alphabet. If there’s an H file, I get excited remembering H is between G and I. I feel like letters are my friends. They like me and I like them.
I was filing when President Trump came by. He stopped and asked me what I was doing. I said that I was filing. He said I seemed so happy. I told him the things I told you in the first paragraph.
…..
I was walking through the woods. It got to be night. I came upon a cave and decided to go within and sleep the night. It was too dark to see inside the cave. I felt my way along the walls. I came upon a large warm furry lump. It was it breathing deeply. I figured it must be a hibernating bear. It was November and I felt I would be safe since the bear would most probably be hibernating until the Spring. I cuddled up to the bear for warmth and fell asleep.
It was a deep sleep. I didn’t wake up until March, according to my cell phone display. I slowly got up and began to creep away from the bear. The bear yawned. I stopped. I heard the bear stand and move around. Suddenly the bear stopped. I heard the bear say, “Is someone here?” I didn’t say anything. The bear said, “I can hear you breathing.” I said, “Just me. I’m on my way out.” The bear said, “I’m hungry!” I figured I was going to be eaten. The bear said, “I know of a restaurant a mile and a half from here called the Waffle Shack. You wanna go?”
The owl came by, asked how I was doing. I said good and asked how the owl was doing. The owl said it had an itch on its back it couldn’t reach with its beak.
I scratched the owl’s back, said, “Here?” The owl said, “No, lower and to the right.” I did and said, “Yes?” The owl said, “No, higher and to the left a little.” I did and asked if I got it. The owl sighed and said, “No.”
I apologized. The owl said, “Don’t worry about it. The itch just went away on its own.”
I woke to a cloud over my bed. I asked the cloud what it was doing there. The cloud said it had never been in my bedroom and wanted to see what it was like.
I said the cloud could stay as long as it didn’t rain. The cloud started to shake and said, “Ah-oh!” The cloud rained on me. I got upset.
The cloud apologized, but then retracted saying it was wrong for me to ask it not to rain because it’s well known clouds can’t control that behavior.
I said I didn’t know. The cloud said, “Well, now you know.”
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