Spending time underwater

I can spend a pretty long time underwater without an oxygen tank and snorkel mask. It’s not like I take a big deep breath when I go underwater. I basically drop down under the surface and I hang out. I look around at the fish. I look up at the Sun reflecting through the water. I read a plastic book that I brought with me. The time flies by.

Once I spent a week under water. Some of the time I did the things I mentioned. Other times I slept. I ate plankton. It’s full of nutrients. And when I got thirsty I swallowed some of the surrounding water. When I finally came back out into the air, my skin was pruned. It took a few days for it to flatten out again.

Moon trip

I took my rocket ship to the moon. I got out and sat on the edge of a crater.

A Moonling came and sat next to me. The Moonling took my gloved hand in its webbed hand and gave it a squeeze.

I said, “That’s nice.”

Old pair of boots

I dug a hole in my yard. I came upon an old pair of boots. I took them out of the ground and washed them off. I dried and put them on. They fit. I went out for a walk.

Someone saw me and said, “Nice boots. Where’d you get ’em?” I shared. The person said, “Would you mind if I dug around in that hole to see if I could find a pair for myself?” I said, “Okay.”

The person came over and dug in the hole. They dug for hours. And then some more hours. Pretty soon it got dark.

I leaned into the hole with a flashlight and said, “How the search going?” The person said, “No luck yet.” I said, “Are you gonna be digging much longer?” The person said, “I guess.” I said, “What size shoes do you wear?” The person said, “11.” I said, “So do I. Take my hand.” I pulled the person out of the hole.

I took off my boots and handed them to the person. I said, “Here.” The person tried them on, walked around, and said, “These are nice. Are you giving them to me?” I said, “Yes.” The person said, “Thanks.”

Yelling at the candle

It was dark out at midday. I went outside and looked up in the sky. The Sun wasn’t there. What was there was a floating candle.

I shouted up to the candle, “Hey, where’s the Sun?”

The candle said, “It called in sick. I’m a temp.”

I said, “To be honest, you’re not making a difference.”

The candle said, “How can you be sure?”

I said, “It’s dark out.”

The candle said, “Okay, yeah, but not as dark as it would be if I wasn’t here.”

I said, “Dark is dark.”

The candle ignored me. I said, “Aren’t you going to respond.” The candle was silent. I said, “I know you can hear me.” The candle looked away.

I went back inside. My dog Rexy came up to me and said, “You really need to take a nap.”

What happened in the boat

I got in my boat and rowed out to the middle of the lake. I laid down in the boat and closed my eyes. I fell asleep.

When I woke it was night. The stars glowed down on me.

I felt a breeze on my face. It was a bat. The bat was flying back and forth over me.

I said, “Hey, bat.”

The bat said, “Yeah?”

I said, “It’s so nice to see you.”

The bat landed on my head. It was warm.

Restless

I’m restless. I can’t stand still. I’m typing this as I walk along the side of the freeway. I like walking along the freeway because of the nice breeze from the cars.

Even when I’m laying in bed I’m constantly rolling back and forth. Recently I was rolling so often that the friction caused the sheets to catch fire. I leapt out of bed. The bed was engulfed in flames. I danced around the mattress inferno until it went out. Then I went and slept on the couch. I was pretty exhausted and fell asleep right away, so I don’t know if I was shifting around a lot or not.