It’s okay in the end

I climbed to the top of a redwood tree. I looked out at the land way below me. I felt like I was on a boat in a storm as the tree sailed back and forth with the strong winds.

A pelican flew by and said, “Hey, are you okay?” I said, “I think so. I’m holding on pretty tightly.” Suddenly an extra strong gust of wind snapped the tree back and I was ejected. I flew straight out and then down.

The pelican flew below and caught me in its big mouth. I said, “Thanks!” I think the pelican said, “No problem,” but its voice was muffled by my presence.

Walking on Mercury

I took my rocket ship to the planet Mercury. I got out wearing shorts, sandals, and a sleeve-less t-shirt. I also wore a visor. Mercury is really close to the Sun so you have to dress lightly and also wear something on your head to block out the Sun’s rays. In addition, I applied three layers of sunscreen.

I walked around. It’s an easy walk because there are no trees, mountains, or anything. It’s a bald planet. I love to walk, and what I don’t love is walking and having to look where I’m going.

I’m a time-traveler

I’m a lot of things. I’m a typer. I typed this. I’m a person. I’m a glasses wearer. I’m a guitar player. I’m a time-traveler.

I have a time travel-machine I bought on Ebay. Someone was selling theirs because they rarely used it. It was a pretty good price. I think it was $125. Retail they go for $500 to $1900.

I picked it up in my truck. My friend Craig helped me. That was necessary because it’s heavy and takes two people.

We carried it inside my house and I plugged it in so it could charge. The battery was dead but after an hour it was ready to go.

My friend Craig asked me where would be the first place in time I would travel. I said, “Yesterday.” I got in and typed in the time-space coordinates, there’s an instruction book that shows you how to do it. I pressed the Go button and suddenly I was in yesterday.

Yesterday seemed a lot like the day I’d traveled from. I guess because both of those times were “now” in the moment. Now is now. It never changes. Though Craig wasn’t there.

So I thought maybe I should pick a time and space that would be different in its surroundings. So I randomly picked August 14th, 1956. I pushed Go. Suddenly I was no longer in the living room of my house and I was sitting in the time-machine in the middle of the woods. It was nice because I like trees.

Then I punched in the coordinates for March 1, Year 10. I was still in the woods. But the trees were different. I guess until recently most places were trees, or fields, or lakes. Back then the dominant species was Nature.

The next trip I chose the year September 9th, 1743, and the place of Paris, France. I hit Go. I was suddenly sitting in my time-machine in the middle of a crowded marketplace. Everyone was speaking French. I could tell by their accents.

People began gathering around my machine and touching it. That seems to be the thing most people do when something weird and unexplained happens. I don’t think it actually helps. Especially not in this situation because the outside of the time-machine heats up like a skillet that’s been sitting on a flame. People started grabbing their burnt hands and yelling. I felt badly because I’m adverse to hurting people. I said I was sorry, but since I was speaking in English, it wasn’t helping.

I typed in the time and day that I’d started from originally and also my apartment and hit Go. I immediately arrived in my living room, My friend Craig was still there. He said, “Are you gonna go or not?” I explained that I had gone and returned to the exact time I left. He said, “Oh, right.” I told him what I’d already told you above. He said, “That’s neat.” And then he left.

I didn’t do anymore time-travel trips that day. But the next day I went on some more.

Edit

A story about work

I was flying my spaceship to Jupiter when I put on the breaks, got into my spacesuit, opened the hatch and went out. I didn’t wear the tether that is supposed to keep me attached to the spaceship. I walked not knowing where I was going.

I thought, “Why am I a spaceman? I’m not a spaceman?”

I walked and walked and walked. I didn’t look back to see where the ship was. I didn’t care.

After a couple of hours I got sleepy. I fell asleep. The great thing about being sleepy in space is you don’t have to lay down.

I dreamt I was on Earth. I was sitting in a coffee shop. I had a cup of coffee on the table in front of me. I don’t like coffee. But there was the cup. I looked into the cup. The coffee said, “What?” I said, “I didn’t say anything.” The coffee said, “Yeah, you did.” I said, “No, I didn’t.” The coffee said, “Yeah, you did.” I said, “No, I didn’t.” I got up and went to the counter. The person behind the counter asked me what I wanted. I said, “Tea.” Behind me I heard the coffee sigh.

I woke up outside of my spaceship. I opened the hatch and went inside. I took off my spacesuit. I sat in the driver’s seat and turned on the ignition.

Time spent under the tree

I sat at the base of the tree. I asked how it was doing. The tree said it had been a good day so far. The tree asked about my day. I said it was awful, but I’d been expecting such. The tree said maybe it would get better. I said I hoped so.

The tree told me about a bird that had landed on one its branches earlier. The bird said it was sad. The tree asked why. The bird said sometimes it feels sad for no reason. The tree said perhaps it was its diet. The bird said it hadn’t considered that.

I said I feel dour when I eat too many potatoes. The problem is I like potatoes. The tree said if I ate less, I could still enjoy them and not feel down. I said I tried but I like them so much that I’m compelled to eat a little more and then I feel badly.

The wind blew hard and some leaves fell from the tree. One of the leaves landed near my foot. I asked the tree if it wanted me to put it back on. The tree said if only I could.

Pre-birth Brooks

I took a ride in my time-machine back to my parent’s house the day before I was born.

I knocked and my dad answered. As a subterfuge I said I was selling Fuller Brushes. I didn’t want my parents to know it was me. They would be less surprised and possibly less interested to meet me as baby, which would have had problems of its own.

My dad said, “We’re not interested.” From within the house, my mom said, “Who is it, dear?” My dad said, “It’s a guy selling Fuller Brushes.” My mom said, “I heard those are good brushes. Buy three.” My dad rolled his eyes and said, “We’ll take three.” I said I didn’t have the brushes on me. I would turn the order into the main office and they would get the brushes in two weeks.

My dad took out his wallet and said, “How much do I owe you?” I said he didn’t owe me anything. He would pay when the brushes arrive in two weeks. He said, “Aren’t you going to give me a copy of the order?” I said the company eliminated paper work as a way to reduce global warming. He said, “What’s global warming?”

My mom came to the door. She was very pregnant. She said to my dad, “Where are the brushes?” My dad said, “We have to wait two weeks.” My mom said, “Oh.” My mom looked at me. She said, “You look familiar. Where do I know you from?” I said I’d done an Alka-Seltzer commercial a few months back.

She said, “Oooh, the baby kicked! I asked when the baby was due. She said, “Hopefully in the next week.” I asked if they picked out a name. My dad said, “H-41-Z-9.”