When I was a mouse, I lived in constant fear of becoming an eagle’s lunch.
So I did the smart thing and became an eagle.
But when I got hungry, I didn’t want to eat the mice running around on the forest floor because many of them had been close friends of mine. So, I was constantly hungry.
Good decisions are never made on an empty stomach, so I thought things would be better if I became a human.
I started my new job as Secretary of the Treasury today.
My favorite part so far is the McKinley Fun-Time Yowza Room.
You go in by yourself, they turn on the fans, and you dance to My Sharona amidst a swirling mass of discontinued $500 currency bills.
I was out for a stroll when I fell into a hole.
At first I was panicked, but then I kept falling and after about fifteen minutes I began to relax.
I noticed that the further I fell, the dirt walls of the sides of the hole got warmer. I was delighted that the breeze from the falling cooled me off in a nice way.
I soon drifted off into a deep nap. I dreamt of a field of lilies. Some were smiling at me. Some frowned.
Penguin Random House is publishing my new book called How to Stop Making Mistakes in Your Life!!
It’s basically about how we sometimes make mistakes, and we could stop doing that if we just didn’t make mistakes.
Some of hot tips from the book:
1. When you get up in the morning, tell yourself, “Hey, no mistakes today!”
2. When you feel like you’re about to make a mistake, don’t.
3. Repeat the mantra, “IODTRT.” (I only do the right thing.)
I was so caught up in my thoughts I didn’t realize I walked into a hurricane.
I actually didn’t notice until I was inside the eye of the twister. I happened to look up because I heard mooing and saw a cow circling in the air around me.
I shrugged to the cow because I wanted to help but couldn’t. The cow shrugged its shoulders back to me in what I guess was an understanding, but at those high speeds it was hard to tell.
I discovered a $10,000 Salmon P. Chase currency bill in the side pocket of a used suitcase I bought at the Salvation Army.
I was thirsty and tried to use the money to buy a can of 7-UP from the 7-11. The store didn’t have enough change.
I was actually okay about it, because I remembered that 7-UP always makes me thirsty.
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