Some people

I was standing in line with Smokey the Bear to get tickets for a movie. In front of us were Jesus and Buddha.

Jesus said to Buddha, “I want to see Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Buddha said, “No way, I hate Queen.”

Jesus said, “How can you hate Queen?”

Buddha said, “How can you like them?”

Jesus said, “Look, it’s either that or the turdy movie Aquaman.”

Buddha said, “I love Aquaman! Let’s see that!”

Jesus said, “Are you kidding me? I’d rather go back up on the cross!”

Buddha pushed Jesus. Jesus slugged Buddha in the stomach. They ended up on the ground in a wrestling match. Smokey and I stepped around them, paw in hand.

I said, “I’m thinking of getting Milk Duds.”

Smokey said, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

3 things I remember

1. We got lost in the woods. You told me you didn’t mind, as you never wanted to go home. I said that would be okay, except we would run out of our packaged snacks, and would have to forage for acorns and bark. You said it was ill thinking to consider the future. A tree fell over, almost hitting us.
2. We were cornered by lions in the desert. There were 12 of them. You meowed, hoping to bring out their friendlier versions. I said it would be better to bark, as fierce creatures bow to sharp commands. The lions instead formed a pyramid. You took their photo.
3. We took our seats at Frouber’s Restaurant. You ordered the Flamingo. I selected Yak. When our food was delivered, we took our bites, disliking what we ordered. We set down our silverware and sat in silence. Our food came back to life. We brought the bird and bovid home, where they continue to be a source of joy and pang.

Looking out the window

God: Watcha’ up to?
Brooks: Just sitting and looking out the window.
God: Would you like to hang out? I’ll take you on psychedelic trip through all 57 Universes.
Brooks: No, I like sitting here.
God: What if we shared a never ending bowl of chocolate marshmallow ice cream?
Brooks: No, thanks.
God: What if I let you be me for a day?
Brooks: I’d rather not.
God: Can I look out the window with you then?
Brooks: Sure.

The Star

I was lying on my roof looking up at the night sky when I saw a far off light flickering. I thought it was an extraterrestrial signaling to me from its ship, letting me know it was coming to get and bring me home, but that it might be awhile because of the vast distances.

My dog Rexy, who can read my mind, was sitting next to me, and said, “You’re weird, but you’re not that weird.”

The delightful slog

I climbed six hours to the top of the mountain. Once there, I walked into my guru’s cave.

My guru was polishing a large boulder. He looked up and with irritation said, “What now, Brooks?”

I said, “Oh, Swami, I’m generally dissatisfied. What can I do to get out of my funk?”

My guru looked at me and said, “You like the shirt you are wearing too much to ever take it off.”

I bowed, thanked him, and walked back down the hill.

I went back home and was greeted by my dog Rexy who said, “How did it go?”

I said, “My discontent is as permanent as my skeleton.”

My dog Rexy said, “Great, can we play fetch now?”