Time spent with the boy Adolf

When I purchased my Casio Timer time-machine in 1982, I spent the extra money and got the Deluxe Timer. It’s a time-machine that allows the time-traveler to go to a point in the past or future, pick someone up, and give them a ride to another time and place.

I recently did this for the boy Hitler. I traveled to the year 1894, Passau, Germany, and knocked at the door of the Hitler homestead. Klara, the mother, answered the door. I said that I was the local proctor and needed to administer an exam to young Adolph to determine which levels he would attend when he started first grade in the fall. Klara brought me to the solarium where boy Adolf was attempting to teach their pet schnauzer, Jörg-Jürgen, the Der Deutsche, a traditional German dance.

Klara left the room and I asked boy Adolf if he liked dinosaurs. He got excited, and as he began naming them off, “Triceratops, Brachiosaurus, Stegosaurus,” I took the portable Deluxe Timer out of my pocket, held boy Adolf’s hand, and whispered into the device, “66 Million B.C., Pangea.” Back then, there was only one continent, it hadn’t split into the five yet, and it didn’t officially have a name. But the Deluxe Timer knew and brought us there.

Suddenly boy Adolf, Jörg-Jürgen, and I were standing in the outdoors, amidst a quickly moving heard of Ankylosaurus. Boy Adolf whooped, his dog howled, and they took off running alongside the heard. I panicked because I didn’t want the boy to get hurt. Sure, he was Hitler, but he was a lad and needed protection. I ran after them.

By now boy Adolf had climbed aloft an Ankylosaurus and was hollering and riding it like a horse. The dinosaur was covered with huge thorns, a mighty armor, and had a mace for a tail. I feared the worst. But it was a mother (it was trailed by five mini versions of itself) and was gentle with its rider, as it looked up at boy Adolf, and then at its youngins with loving eyes. Jörg-Jürgen ran behind, barking and corralling like a shepherd dog.

I was sprinting, but they moved faster and further away. I lost them in the distance.

I sat down on a rock and rested. What was I thinking when I brought the boy back to prehistoric times? Was I just planning to leave him here? I didn’t have an answer.

A Pterodactyl landed next to me. The Pterodactyl said, “My name is Phlinx. What’s yours?” I introduced myself. Phlinx the Pterodactyl lowered its head and I pet it’s scalp, which was surprisingly soft.