You Can’t Get Away

I was walking through the desert when I came upon Buddha.

I said, “I’m not sure if you are a ghost. I mean, you’re like Jesus, right, but without the beard. I mean, you’re like a supernatural being, or you know, son of God, or at a least relative.”

I started to prostrate myself when Buddha said, “What are you doing? Get up off the ground.”

I got back up. I felt like an idiot. I purposely hang out in the desert by myself to avoid this kind of embarrassment.

The Situation

I fell off the side off a mountain. Halfway down, I caught a hold of a branch. I called out for help.

From up above, I heard, “This is God. I’m here to help.”

I yelled, “Thank you, God.”

I waited for about an hour and nothing happened.

I yelled, “God, what’s going on up there?”

God said, “Don’t rush me, I trying to figure out what to do!”

Currently

I stood in the middle of the street.

I forgot why I was crossing.

But I didn’t want to go back because what if I was late?

Things are Better

I died and went to heaven. I stood in line behind a bunch of people who had just died.

I remembered when I was in Kindergarten and Tommy Jimson cut in front of me in the lunch line. I said he couldn’t cut. Tommy kicked me in the shin five times. I cried and my teacher, Mrs. Donnison came by and asked what was the matter. Tommy Jimson said that I cut in line. Mrs. Donnison said I had to go to the back of the line.

The fact that no one was cutting in front of me now made me feel better about having died.

Looking on the Bright Side

I have a time-travel portal that takes me back to the White House on the morning of April 15th, 1865.

I like to go through the portal sometimes and tell President Lincoln that one day he’s going to be on the penny AND the five dollar bill!