Today Over Time

I snap-crackled-popped back in time to just before the Big Bang. I’ve never gone that far back. At first there was nothing. It wasn’t a nothing I was aware of. It was similar to the feeling of being under anesthesia where you only remember what comes after it.

The Big Bang was not firecrackery. It was, “Oh, there it is.” It reminded me of starting the car without turning on the ignition. I was a little let down. But I kind of am about everything and quickly get over it.

Then I time crackled to my birth. My baby me popped out, got spanked and said, “What the?” Everyone said in unison, “He said his first words!” My now eyes connected with my baby’s eyes. I said, “Enjoy it. Pretty soon they’re going to tell you to shut up.”

Then I s.n.p. to tomorrow. Oh, my my my. I didn’t see that coming. I win the Nobel Prize in Mathematics for a math test I took when I was in 6th grade where I got every question wrong and was sent back to the 5th grade. It turns out I was right visionistically, but just not yet.

As a result of my award, I get a chair at the prestigious Hoffbrau University of Science where I am quickly told that I’m wrong again.