Solutions!!

This morning I came downstairs and saw a mouse laying on its back eating the last bits of my big wheel of cheese. The mouse smiled at me and patted its rotund stomach.

There’s something about food that breeds confidence. I remember being bullied by Mark Wanner when I was in grade school. He’d beat the crap out of me everyday after school. It made me so crazy that one day I broke into the lunch room refrigerator and ate an entire bucket of lasagna sauce. I left the school to walk home and there was Mark. This time I was filled to the brim with invincibility. I went right up to Mark and socked him in the jaw, laying him flat. Leah Shields saw the whole thing, came up to me, took my arm and let me walk her home. Leah and I made out in front of her house while her stunned grand parents watched from the living room window. I went home and told my parents I was through with doing chores, but they still had to pay my allowance, and they agreed. That night I went to bed without saying my prayers and God showed up and asked me for some things.

So I ignored the mouse. But then my cat came down the stairs and ate the mouse. It’s good to have a couple sources of power.