Traditionally Spirited

I rarely get drunk. It’s every other November 15th. Last night I was out at Dinker’s Pub in Evanston. I had a pitcher of beer. The thing is I don’t like the taste of beer. So I had the bartender add half a bottle of grenadine syrup. I drank the pitcher, got up on the bar, took off my shirt, and started singing, “Nightspots” by the Cars.

could be you’re crossing the fine line
a silly driver, kinda off the wall
you keep it cool when it’s t-t-tight
eyes wide open when you start to fall

I fell off the bar and passed out. I woke up in the Evanston Police department’s drunk tank. A large drunk woman had her arm around me and sang Strangers in the Night. I wish I liked Frank Sinatra. It would make moments like this easier.

I used my free call and called my doctor. He came and told the police I wasn’t drunk, but in a hypoglycemic blood sugar free fall from the grenadine. I was released. I’m so glad that I finally got health insurance.