A Long Time Coming

I’ve been around a long time. I’ve actually been alive since 54,000 B.C. I started out as a caveman. Life was pretty simple back then. Dinner was either berries, dirt, or saber-tooth tiger. I remember when fire was invented. Everyone was talking about it. I waited a few months before getting fire so the bugs could be worked out.

Back then there wasn’t a concept of time. It was either bright or dark, and snow or grass. I ended up taking up cave painting as a hobby. That was our version of writing since there were no words invented yet. Words got invented when they ran out of paint and something had to be figured out on the spot.

The years went by and for some reason I kept staying alive. I worked for Genghis Khan for a little bit. I actually got fired. I showed up to a battle late. He was so upset. The thing is, I really like to sleep.

I met Christ. He was a nice person. I was short 3 teckles for a loaf of bread and people in line behind me got upset. Christ was right behind me and he gave the change. I said thanks. He said, “Don’t mention it.”

I remember when the Spanish Inquisition came through my town. Everyone was initially excited because they wore such nice clothes. But then they turned out to be assholes.