NYC

I won an all expense trip to New York City. I’d never been there before. I got in Monday morning. I walked around Times Square. I got overwhelmed by the lights and tall buildings. There were too many people. I ran away.

I kept going until I got to Central Park. I felt calm again. I walked along a pond. A frog waved at me. I nodded back. The frog caught a fly with its tongue. It asked me if I wanted some. I said, “No, thanks.”

A squirrel came up to me. I said hello. The squirrel asked me if I had any nuts. I said no. She seemed upset. I asked if that was so. She said no, that she was generally nervous.

I walked by the zoo. I looked at a hippo in its cage. The hippo asked if I was from out of town. I said yes. The hippo asked me to jump the fence and come over and scratch its back. I did. I was scratching the hippo’s back when one of the zoo employees yelled at me to stop doing that.

I moved on till I got to an open field. I laid down and closed my eyes. The sun felt good on my face. I felt a tickle as an ant crawled up my neck and then to the tip of my nose. The ant said, “Excuse me!”

I opened my eyes. “Yes?”

The ant said, “You’re laying on our ant hill. I’m wondering if you could please move?”

I said, “Hey, I didn’t know, alright?! Jeez, seriously, do you think I actually decided to lay on top of your friggen’ house?!!”

The ant said, “Hey, calm down. I was just asking you to move, that’s all.”

I sat up. I said, “No, I’m sorry. I’m not usually like this.” I put the ant on my fingertip to set it down.

The ant said, “Gottfried Leibniz, the 17th century French philosopher was known for creating optimism. He felt that our Universe was the best possible one God could make. When we think it’s otherwise, well, we might as well piss in our shoes.”