Request

I went for a walk to the local grocery store. It was snowing pretty heavily. Snow drifts from the side of buildings made it impossible to walk on the sidewalks. I had to walk on the side of the street. Cars were swerving on the ice and snow on the roads. One car started sliding in my direction.

I began to pray: “Dear God, It’s been a long time. I think I was nine and it was the night before the big football game. I asked you to help my team win. The next day we lost. I was so angry, I became an atheist. Tonight I’m willing to take another chance that you actually might exist. A car is heading towards me. I can’t dodge it. This looks like the end for me. Unless you were to intervene. I’m thinking that if you do exist, this is a good chance for you to make amends and increase your fan base. On my end, if you ceased my demise, I will do the following things: One, I will clean my bathroom. It’s been bad enough lately that it’s actually been bothering me. And two…I can’t think of anything else, but generally similar things. Amen.”

I closed my eyes. I heard a crash. I opened my eyes. The sliding car had slammed into the car behind me. I was unscathed. I was so happy. I leaped into the air. But I didn’t come down. I was actually hovering over the wrecked cars. I saw my body between them.

I said to God, “What the fuck?!? Well, that’s it. Yeap, I was right all along.”

God said, “I’m sorry, Brooks. I was distracted. What did you want to ask me?”

I said, “Nevermind.”