Socks

I went to the Gap to buy a pair of socks. They had some on sale. I noticed one pair that was the highest on the rack. It was out of my reach. I asked one of the sales clerks to help me. They turned pale. I inquired. It turns out this pair had special powers. That excited me. I bought them.

I went home and put on my new pair of socks. I waited for something to happen. A half hour went by, but nothing special had occurred. I turned on the TV. I was watching CNN. Suddenly the anchor Wolf Blitzer stop telling the news and looked strangely into the camera.

He said, “Oh, my God, those socks, they’re so incredibly beautiful.”

I said, “Thanks. I just bought them today. They were on sale.”

He said, “Those are some super fine socks!”

I said, “Wow, thanks. That’s really nice.”

He stared some more and then went back to telling the news.

I looked down at my socks and thought, “I guess they are pretty nice.”

About five minutes later, Wolf Blitzer stopped in the middle of the news and said, “I’m too distracted by the socks. I’ve got to go.” He left the news desk and walked off camera. No one was on screen. Then one of the production guys was on and he was looking into the camera.

He said, “I don’t think they are all that special…but I can’t stop looking at them.”

Soon there were three more people looking into the camera. They got into an argument over my socks. I felt uncomfortable. I switched off the TV.

I had dinner. I played guitar. I started to feel better. I felt it might be okay to turn the TV back on. I did. There was now a big crowd of people looking into the camera. They were startled to see me. They applauded. I saw a photo of my feet and socks on the background monitor. There was a caption that said, “Phenomenon.”

I switched off the TV. I didn’t turn it back on that night. I wondered if I should return the socks. I really liked them. But I wasn’t comfortable with the attention. Then I thought I’d been watching too much TV lately. So I gave my TV to my neighbor and kept the socks.