What it came down to

God: What do you have there, Brooks?

Brooks: It’s a list of things I’d like for you to do for me.

God: Oh no.

Brooks: It’s not that long. I narrowed it down to 24 pages. Well, actually it’s 24 sheets of paper, both sides. Here, take a look.

God:….A talking Eagle named Burt? A thick head of hair like the movie critic Gene Shalit? A root beer soda fountain in your backyard?

Brooks: Yes.

God: And why do you think I would grant you these wishes?

Brooks: Because you’re nice?

God: I’m only going to do one. Which one do you want?

Brooks:…Um…Ah…Oh…

God: Would you please make up your mind!

Brooks: I’m trying, I’m trying.

God: DECIDE NOW, OR I RESCIND MY OFFER!!!

Brooks: Okay, I got it…I want the Pushmi-pullu petting zoo.

God: (waggling a finger) There you go.

The Pushmi-pullu petting zoo appeared in my backyard. I ran over and began caressing and cuddling the furry creatures with abandon. My joy was infectious. God came over to pet a Pushmi-pullu, but it bit God’s hand. God got furious and called it an impudent beast. Then God stepped in a fresh Pushmi-pullu turd and pitched a fit. I kept it to myself that these things happened because God was punishing God for scrimping on my list.