An Alternative

When I was a kid, my mom once put a fresh cigarette in my lunch box. She felt that since I was a skinny and pale kid, the cigarette would give me a tough image and bullies would leave me alone. 

So I smoked the cigarette during lunch. I coughed a lot, and had to go to the infirmary. 

The school nurse said that the problem was I was smoking Pall Malls and would do better switching to Kools.